DAY 3 AGAIN: I Gotta Do What I Gotta Do

Looking back, I'm surprised how often I abandoned the simple tenet of today's step. Sitting to eat (i.e., focusing on the experience) is one of the easiest skills Dr. Beck teaches but over the last few months, I let myself forget it, stuffing food into my mouth whenever and wherever it was handy. And look where that got me!

But it's just like riding a bicycle (which wouldn't count for eating while sitting), so I'm expecting to pick up the habit again very quickly and easily.

I don't expect to need a Response Card for this step, but the Response Card Dr. Beck suggests for this step still helps me:

Sabotaging Thought: I don't want to stop eating while I'm standing.
Helpful Response: I need to sit down to eat. When I eat standing up, I just don't notice what I'm eating. I could eat way too much without realizing it. If I want to be thinner, I have to impose this rule on myself. I might not want to give up this behavior, but I'll enjoy being thinner so much more.

The underlined statement is the kicker for me: the idea that losing weight isn't going to be fun but will still be worthwhile is an idea I need to devoutly believe to be successful. So I've created a Response Card with this statement and will read it twice a day along with my ARC.

My progress today:

I read my Advantages Response Card at least twice.

I created a Response Card to encourage myself to sit while eating.

I created a reminder system so I'll remember to sit while eating.

I sat down when I ate: Every Time

DAY 2 AGAIN: Slim-Fast and a Slide Rule

My original plan continues to work for me, as long as I work it. So I'm sticking with the Slim-Fast plan, with the addition of counting calories.

I've been counting calories for the last two weeks, and it's been a real eye-opener. So many foods, I have no concept of their calories. Sometimes I've been pleasantly surprised but more often it's been shockingly unpleasant. But knowing (roughly) how many calories I'm eating each day is helping to tame my binge tendencies.

It is hard to count calories though. Most of the food I eat is what I make from scratch, so a lot of the counting is really just guesstimating. But even if I'm not getting exact figures, I'm still getting a scaryrealistic picture of how far over 1,200 calories I'm eating every day. (Hint: FAR over.)

So I'll continue to guesstimate my calories, until I get the binging under control, and then I may continue to make sure I'm getting enough calories (a problem I had long, long ago). Oh, to have such problems now!

My progress today:

I read my Advantages Response Card at least twice.

I chose a reasonable primary diet and a backup diet.

DAY 1 AGAIN: Why I Want to Lose Weight, by Beck Diet Girl

Not to jinx myself, but I think I'm back:

• * I'm feeling happier and healthy
• * I returned to the gym today
• * I successfully battled cravings
• * and I completed the first task of the Beck Diet Solution on this second go-round!

That last bullet point is the only official task of Day 1, but without the other three, I doubt I would've made it.

My reasons for wanting to lose weight haven't changed since the first time. Dr. Beck suggests we'll find additional reasons as we progress, but I guess I covered everything at the start. Here they are, with my thoughts on where I am:

I'll be able to wear pretty clothes.

Gaining back so much of the weight I lost last year on the Beck Diet Solution has certainly added to my depression, and a big part of the sadness is that I no longer fit into some of my pretty clothes. But wanting to get back into those clothes and even smaller sizes should be good motivation.

I'll be more attractive

I'm feeling decidedly unattractive carrying more weight again; I miss my hollowed cheekbones and skinny knees.

I'll be more likely to be asked out on a date.

Men aren't even flirting with me now like they were just 3 months ago, but a lot of that has to be how unhappy I am in my own skin these days. More reason to lose the weight again and get my flirt back on!

I'll look better in pictures.

The pictures of me on my trip to Europe are not happy memories -- who is that blob standing by the Arno?

I won't have as much pain, especially in my back.

Tylenol is running an ad right now claiming that losing 1 lb. takes 4 lbs. of pressure off your knees. My knees ache when I think about how much pressure I'm putting on them again.

My body will be physically fit and able to do what I ask.

I'm already puffing a little on the stairs again, which is more because I'm out of shape than I'm fat. But two birds with one stone...

I'll increase my self-esteem.

I'm so disgusted with myself right now. Throwing away 5 months of hard work, for whatever reasons, has been hard on my self-esteem, and I'd like to go back to liking myself. I miss that sense of well-being.

I'll have accomplished something important.

I think I took my success for granted last time, but now I really understand how much I accomplished. Now I have to face how much more I have to accomplish, and it's daunting...

I won't be embarrassed when I'm naked.

When I weigh myself, I'm facing a mirror, and I don't like what I see. My arms are puffier, my waist is thicker, my stomach hangs lower. Worst of all, I never catch myself smiling anymore. I want my smiles back.

I'll show I'm a changed person.

I don't like the changes I'm reflecting right now. I want to get back to the admiring looks and congratulatory comments. Really, I'm not who I look like!

Reading these reasons twice a day proved to be a huge boost to my motivation and that's just what I need right now, so this is a great place to start again. And to complete today's task, I rewrote my reasons on a new index card, using a new ink color.

I also have my two reminder systems: business cards in the kitchen and post-its in the bathroom. I've updated the business cards by shading them in different colors, and I will reorganize the post-its on the bathroom mirror on a regular basis.

My hope is that by making everything fresh and new-looking, the Beck Diet Solution won't seem like the same old same old, and it will work so fantastically again. I've even updated the look of this blog, to symbolize the clean slate of my second, successful journey on the Beck Diet Solution.

My checklist for Day 1:

I created my Advantages Response Card.

I wrote, recorded, or posted these advantages elsewhere.

I implemented a reminder system.