This wasn't a good week; I did not fulfill the promise of my mid-week optimism.
For starters, I never went to the gym to renew my membership and I never got around to other exercise. Now I'm feeling like a fat lump and worrying about the weigh-in tomorrow. I haven't been weighing myself much this week since I didn't want any bad news, so I'm not sure how I'll do tomorrow. Fingers crossed that it's not a gain at least.
Then I spaced out about looking at my To-do List on Thursday and Saturday. Such a simple goal this week and I couldn't keep it up; I'm feeling a little down now. But following Dr. Beck's advice, I'm not going to let it keep me down. One of my goals for next week will be rereading my ARC and Response Cards every day to stay strong and motivated.
Finally, I had another of my parties yesterday and it went all right, but mostly by accident. I ate a small dinner before the party, which helps me say no to temptations on the buffet, but my mindset at the buffet was, "Hm, what looks good?" The good news is that I'm still thinking like a thin person; I admired the chocolate chip cookies and the potato chips and the fudge, but I didn't eat any of it. The bad news is that I did eat, almost without thinking, 6 of those aram sandwich slices with turkey. Comparatively speaking, they were a healthy choice, but I didn't need 6 of them, and I definitely didn't need to eat without thinking about it. Especially because then I couldn't say no to the big chewy ginger cookies and I ate 3 of those. So there's another example of how I need to refocus myself on the Beck Diet Solution to continue my progress!
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
WEEK 10: Progress Report
So far, so good on meeting my goal this week. Well, I should hope so, given how simple it is, but baby steps... And my efforts are working; my attention is refocused on my diet again.
The first task on my To-do List is to stick to my food plan and eat everything on it, and I haven't done that yet this week. It has been very much on my mind though, and I've noticed that when I'm worried about eating everything I'm allowed to, I'm more susceptible to overeating. Since I'm rarely hungry, eating everything on my plan requires me to eat when I really don't want or need to. And that kind of thinking is hard to stop once I've eaten everything on my plan... Overeating is much worse for me than not getting enough calories in a day, so I think I'll relax about eating everything on my plan.
I've apparently relaxed about planned exercise too; I haven't done any of that so far this week. Part of the problem is that my gym membership expired somewhere between the gym pool closure and my trip to Las Vegas. And now, two weeks later, I haven't stopped procrastinating long enough to go in and fill out the renewal paperwork. What's worse, I haven't been finding alternate ways to exercise, like using my rowing machine or going for a long walk. What's worst though, is my burgeoning muscles are getting soft and smooshy again. I hate that, but so far my revulsion hasn't been strong enough to get me back to the gym. Clearly this needs to be another goal for the week.
One good thing about my progress this week is that I'm remembering to give myself credit again. Dr. Beck is right; congratulating myself does give me the confidence to keep going. So, good job, me!
The first task on my To-do List is to stick to my food plan and eat everything on it, and I haven't done that yet this week. It has been very much on my mind though, and I've noticed that when I'm worried about eating everything I'm allowed to, I'm more susceptible to overeating. Since I'm rarely hungry, eating everything on my plan requires me to eat when I really don't want or need to. And that kind of thinking is hard to stop once I've eaten everything on my plan... Overeating is much worse for me than not getting enough calories in a day, so I think I'll relax about eating everything on my plan.
I've apparently relaxed about planned exercise too; I haven't done any of that so far this week. Part of the problem is that my gym membership expired somewhere between the gym pool closure and my trip to Las Vegas. And now, two weeks later, I haven't stopped procrastinating long enough to go in and fill out the renewal paperwork. What's worse, I haven't been finding alternate ways to exercise, like using my rowing machine or going for a long walk. What's worst though, is my burgeoning muscles are getting soft and smooshy again. I hate that, but so far my revulsion hasn't been strong enough to get me back to the gym. Clearly this needs to be another goal for the week.
One good thing about my progress this week is that I'm remembering to give myself credit again. Dr. Beck is right; congratulating myself does give me the confidence to keep going. So, good job, me!
Monday, September 24, 2007
WEEK 10: I'm Melting! I'm Melting...
Here I am kicking off the 10th week of the Beck Diet Solution, and by all rights I should be feeling sorry for myself that my paltry efforts last week resulted in a gain.
Instead, I'm patting myself on the back because I'm only 1/2 lb. from my third 5-lb. goal! Even with all the distractions last week and the limited exercise, I dropped a whopping 3 lbs.! I don't know how, I don't know why. I might be channeling that witch, but hey, bring on another bucket of water!
I'm even more surprised that I lost 3 lbs. because I'd noticed in the previous two weigh-ins I'd lost 2 lbs. both times, so I was sort of expecting this loss to be 2 lbs. too. Noticing that trend reminded me of a game I used to play with myself. Whenever I had some important event coming up (the first day of school, a vacation, a family reunion), I would calculate how much weight I could lose by then. Since a recommended rate of weight loss is 1-2 lbs. a week, I would figure out how much I could lose if I lost 1 lb. a week (because surely I could do that), and then I would amuse myself by doubling that number to "inspire" myself to lose 2 lbs. a week. But then of course I wouldn't lose any weight at all and have to start the game all over again with a new milestone. Maybe it's just as well I broke the trend this week, because I don't need to play games with myself anymore. I am losing the weight all right!
But I can't keep counting on this magic melting; I need to stick to my Beck Diet Solution principles. To that end, my goal for this week is to look at my To-do List every night. I'm not even go to expect myself to do everything on it, but I must look at it and mark off the things I do accomplish. Maybe this way I can get myself back into the program mindset and keep watching that fat disappear!
Instead, I'm patting myself on the back because I'm only 1/2 lb. from my third 5-lb. goal! Even with all the distractions last week and the limited exercise, I dropped a whopping 3 lbs.! I don't know how, I don't know why. I might be channeling that witch, but hey, bring on another bucket of water!
I'm even more surprised that I lost 3 lbs. because I'd noticed in the previous two weigh-ins I'd lost 2 lbs. both times, so I was sort of expecting this loss to be 2 lbs. too. Noticing that trend reminded me of a game I used to play with myself. Whenever I had some important event coming up (the first day of school, a vacation, a family reunion), I would calculate how much weight I could lose by then. Since a recommended rate of weight loss is 1-2 lbs. a week, I would figure out how much I could lose if I lost 1 lb. a week (because surely I could do that), and then I would amuse myself by doubling that number to "inspire" myself to lose 2 lbs. a week. But then of course I wouldn't lose any weight at all and have to start the game all over again with a new milestone. Maybe it's just as well I broke the trend this week, because I don't need to play games with myself anymore. I am losing the weight all right!
But I can't keep counting on this magic melting; I need to stick to my Beck Diet Solution principles. To that end, my goal for this week is to look at my To-do List every night. I'm not even go to expect myself to do everything on it, but I must look at it and mark off the things I do accomplish. Maybe this way I can get myself back into the program mindset and keep watching that fat disappear!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
WEEK 9: Recap
No progress report this week because there wasn't much progress.
On Monday, my first real day back from vacation, my mind was still very much on vacation, and I couldn't convince myself to exercise or follow my To-do List. As the week progressed, I was still fighting that "who cares?" mentality as well as facing some unpleasant paperwork that was due on Friday. I was in such a tizzy about that, I just didn't have anything left over to worry about my diet much.
The good news is, I didn't turn to food as a soother as I would have in the past. Thank you, Dr. Beck! Actually, I went the other way, sticking to my food plan but not always eating everything I could have (and, really, should have). And I did manage to get myself to exercise the last 3 days of the week.
The good-news-that-could-be-bad-news is, it doesn't seem like the lack of exercise or inattention to my To-do List hurt my weight loss efforts. The scale has been kind to me all week, which I still can't view as a good thing. If I'm not being good on my diet but I'm still losing weight, it's a temptation to think I don't have to stick to my diet and I'll still lose weight. But history tells me that's not just true.
I think part of the problem is that Dr. Beck has taught me to think like a thin person, really and truly, but I still think of myself as someone who thinks like a fat person. So even though I can face a bread basket without having a single slice and without feeling deprived, I still think of myself as that fat person who wants to shove the whole basket down her throat. The shift between who I used to be and who I am now is something I need to fully understand so that I can be happier and able to celebrate my successes without predicting imminent failure. So that'll be another task to add to my ignored To-do List.
In somewhat more positive news, I worked up the courage to wear The Dress to a dinner party this week. I solved the bare arms issue by finding a shrug that covered my arms but still showed off my tiny-looking waist! I was still nervous about the decolletage though because I don't usually show so much cleavage. But the confidence-boosting magic of the dress convinced me to wear it, and I was a big hit! Everyone exclaimed how wonderful I looked, one person going so far as to call me "hot" (that was a first!).
I was a little uncomfortable with all the attention anyway, but it was a little saddening that the difference in my appearance was so huge that people were blown away by the new me. I'd always thought I dressed pretty well for someone my size. But it's true, I did prefer shapeless outfits so that my puffy arms, bulging stomach, huge hips, and thunder thighs wouldn't be so obvious. So I guess I can't blame my friends for being stunned by my new wardrobe, and it was sure nice to hear I'm hot!
On Monday, my first real day back from vacation, my mind was still very much on vacation, and I couldn't convince myself to exercise or follow my To-do List. As the week progressed, I was still fighting that "who cares?" mentality as well as facing some unpleasant paperwork that was due on Friday. I was in such a tizzy about that, I just didn't have anything left over to worry about my diet much.
The good news is, I didn't turn to food as a soother as I would have in the past. Thank you, Dr. Beck! Actually, I went the other way, sticking to my food plan but not always eating everything I could have (and, really, should have). And I did manage to get myself to exercise the last 3 days of the week.
The good-news-that-could-be-bad-news is, it doesn't seem like the lack of exercise or inattention to my To-do List hurt my weight loss efforts. The scale has been kind to me all week, which I still can't view as a good thing. If I'm not being good on my diet but I'm still losing weight, it's a temptation to think I don't have to stick to my diet and I'll still lose weight. But history tells me that's not just true.
I think part of the problem is that Dr. Beck has taught me to think like a thin person, really and truly, but I still think of myself as someone who thinks like a fat person. So even though I can face a bread basket without having a single slice and without feeling deprived, I still think of myself as that fat person who wants to shove the whole basket down her throat. The shift between who I used to be and who I am now is something I need to fully understand so that I can be happier and able to celebrate my successes without predicting imminent failure. So that'll be another task to add to my ignored To-do List.
In somewhat more positive news, I worked up the courage to wear The Dress to a dinner party this week. I solved the bare arms issue by finding a shrug that covered my arms but still showed off my tiny-looking waist! I was still nervous about the decolletage though because I don't usually show so much cleavage. But the confidence-boosting magic of the dress convinced me to wear it, and I was a big hit! Everyone exclaimed how wonderful I looked, one person going so far as to call me "hot" (that was a first!).
I was a little uncomfortable with all the attention anyway, but it was a little saddening that the difference in my appearance was so huge that people were blown away by the new me. I'd always thought I dressed pretty well for someone my size. But it's true, I did prefer shapeless outfits so that my puffy arms, bulging stomach, huge hips, and thunder thighs wouldn't be so obvious. So I guess I can't blame my friends for being stunned by my new wardrobe, and it was sure nice to hear I'm hot!
Monday, September 17, 2007
WEEK 9: The Real World
Vacationing with a travel plan worked out beautifully, but now I'm here in the real world again, and I need to make my diet work on an everyday basis. Figuring out how to do that will be my focus in Week 9.
My first step will be creating my To-do List, since I didn't get around to it during Week 7. Holding myself accountable every single day will go a long way to keeping me on track, I think. So here's my To-do List for every day of the week (although I'll only weigh in on Mondays and I'll post to the blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Sundays):
I have met my second 5-lb. goal and I'm on the way to my third 5-lb. goal. I just love the steep slope of this graph! I'm so proud of myself, and I am realizing I can do this alone. I just have to stick with it!
Another step I'll take this week to keep myself on track will be watching TV. No, really, it's good for my diet! I'll be watching this reality TV show. Normally, I hate reality shows; I don't find people who are behaving at their worst anything like entertaining. But The Biggest Loser doesn't feature as much of that back-biting and infighting and grandstanding, plus it's inspirational to me to see people who look like me working hard to look so much better. I do find it incredible (and a little worrisome) that people lose 10, 20, even 30 pounds in a single week, because, really, how can that be healthy? But it does motivate me to do my best too, so I'm glad this season has started just when I could use some motivation!
My first step will be creating my To-do List, since I didn't get around to it during Week 7. Holding myself accountable every single day will go a long way to keeping me on track, I think. So here's my To-do List for every day of the week (although I'll only weigh in on Mondays and I'll post to the blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Sundays):
- Stick to my SlimFast diet plan, eating everything on it.
- Eat slowly and mindfully while sitting down.
- Eat only to mild fullness.
- Keep my food diary.
- Give myself credit.
- Spontaneously exercise.
- Do planned exercise.
- Read my ARC and other Response Cards.
- Weigh myself.
- Post my progress on my blog.
Do I need to use my anti-craving techniques?Now I've laminated this list and will mark it with a dry erase pen, so I can reuse it week after week as I continue to whittle away the last 50 pounds. And I'm that much closer as of today, because my incredible hard work and dedication last week melted away another 2 pounds!
Do I need to resolve problems with the Seven Question Technique?
Do I need to prepare myself psychologically for special-occasion eating?
Do I need to work on reducing stress?
Have I enriched my life today?
I have met my second 5-lb. goal and I'm on the way to my third 5-lb. goal. I just love the steep slope of this graph! I'm so proud of myself, and I am realizing I can do this alone. I just have to stick with it!
Another step I'll take this week to keep myself on track will be watching TV. No, really, it's good for my diet! I'll be watching this reality TV show. Normally, I hate reality shows; I don't find people who are behaving at their worst anything like entertaining. But The Biggest Loser doesn't feature as much of that back-biting and infighting and grandstanding, plus it's inspirational to me to see people who look like me working hard to look so much better. I do find it incredible (and a little worrisome) that people lose 10, 20, even 30 pounds in a single week, because, really, how can that be healthy? But it does motivate me to do my best too, so I'm glad this season has started just when I could use some motivation!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
WEEK 8: Recap
My luck (and hard work) held, and I survived my vacation with my diet intact!
The rest of the week went smoothly, and in fact, this week away on vacation was easier than last week when I was transitioning from actively on the Beck Diet Solution to this strange limbo of dieting alone.
Part of the ease of this week was because I was on vacation, even though that's the opposite of what I'd expect. I went to Las Vegas, a city renowned for its decadence and debauchery, but once I was there, away from the pressures and activities at home, it was easier to focus on my diet. Certainly there were more temptations to deal with too, but I handled them, I exercised, I read my ARC and other Response Cards, and I stayed on track! I have no worries that I'll meet my second 5-lb. goal at tomorrow's weigh-in.
I still have concerns though. One is that now that I am home and facing pressure and normal activities again, I have to figure out how to balance all of that with sticking to my diet.
And my other concern is bread. Yeasty, flaky, crusty, chewy bread. I love bread more than almost anything else I can eat, and of course it's one of the worst things for my diet. Sure, it would be all right in moderation, but when it comes to bread, I have no limits.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I had almost no bread in the first 6 weeks of the Beck Diet Solution. I don't know if it was luck or a subconscious aversion, but I just wasn't eating it or missing it. But that changed in the last week. While on vacation, I had bread a few times. It was in moderation (incredibly) and I did resist on one occasion (even more incredibly), but I'm afraid it will be a hard habit to break now that I'm home again. Maybe I'm Negatively Fortune-Telling, but it's good to be prepared to stop a problem before it starts. So no bread for at least a week -- NO CHOICE.
Instead, I can satisfy myself with my new clothes! I went on a shopping spree with my Credit Account and found some beautiful things in my new size. In fact I spent more than twice my credit account allowance, but all for a good cause. The only "non-essential" item I picked up was a dress like this one, except in black. I can't imagine where I'll wear it, especially since the warm weather is already turning cool and because my arms are still too flabby for a sleeveless outfit. But this dress makes me feel so thin and beautiful, there was no way I was walking out of the store without it. And every time I think of it or wear it, I'll be reminded of how far I've come on my diet. So it wasn't so "non-essential" after all, I guess.
The rest of the week went smoothly, and in fact, this week away on vacation was easier than last week when I was transitioning from actively on the Beck Diet Solution to this strange limbo of dieting alone.
Part of the ease of this week was because I was on vacation, even though that's the opposite of what I'd expect. I went to Las Vegas, a city renowned for its decadence and debauchery, but once I was there, away from the pressures and activities at home, it was easier to focus on my diet. Certainly there were more temptations to deal with too, but I handled them, I exercised, I read my ARC and other Response Cards, and I stayed on track! I have no worries that I'll meet my second 5-lb. goal at tomorrow's weigh-in.
I still have concerns though. One is that now that I am home and facing pressure and normal activities again, I have to figure out how to balance all of that with sticking to my diet.
And my other concern is bread. Yeasty, flaky, crusty, chewy bread. I love bread more than almost anything else I can eat, and of course it's one of the worst things for my diet. Sure, it would be all right in moderation, but when it comes to bread, I have no limits.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I had almost no bread in the first 6 weeks of the Beck Diet Solution. I don't know if it was luck or a subconscious aversion, but I just wasn't eating it or missing it. But that changed in the last week. While on vacation, I had bread a few times. It was in moderation (incredibly) and I did resist on one occasion (even more incredibly), but I'm afraid it will be a hard habit to break now that I'm home again. Maybe I'm Negatively Fortune-Telling, but it's good to be prepared to stop a problem before it starts. So no bread for at least a week -- NO CHOICE.
Instead, I can satisfy myself with my new clothes! I went on a shopping spree with my Credit Account and found some beautiful things in my new size. In fact I spent more than twice my credit account allowance, but all for a good cause. The only "non-essential" item I picked up was a dress like this one, except in black. I can't imagine where I'll wear it, especially since the warm weather is already turning cool and because my arms are still too flabby for a sleeveless outfit. But this dress makes me feel so thin and beautiful, there was no way I was walking out of the store without it. And every time I think of it or wear it, I'll be reminded of how far I've come on my diet. So it wasn't so "non-essential" after all, I guess.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
WEEK 8: Progress Report
Not to jinx my winning streak, but I am hitting the diet jackpot in Las Vegas! I haven't been perfect, but it's so close to perfect, I'm feeling fabulous about my diet during this vacation.
Things started off rockily when I didn't get my exercise done before hopping in the car to drive and drive and drive to Las Vegas. Then of course, by the time we arrived, I was too pooped to even think about exercise.
The next day, I spent at a convention so I did a lot of walking, and I managed to pick up a noodle too. However, I didn't get to use it because the pool closes so early. And I also didn't get to weight-train because the hotel fitness room has an entrance fee! (When did this trend start?!) But I made up for it by going for a long walk that night, and I've used the pool every day since.
I've also been getting a lot of "spontaneous" exercise, since parking is never anywhere close to where you want to go. Even once you get inside the building, you have to walk and walk and walk (casinos are enormous).
Best of all, I'm sticking pretty closely to my food plan. The only deviation so far was last night at my favorite Las Vegas eatery. I had planned to have either a cocktail or some bread in addition to half of the entree. I opted for the cocktail even though I wasn't sure I could withstand the bread. But apparently the busboy forgot about our table and we never got a bread basket. I told myself that was just as well, but I did struggle not to ask for it anyway.
Winning that battle made quite a difference when my entree arrived. Normally I would be so full of bread that eating all of an entree was difficult (but I'd manage!). So my plan to eat 1/2 of the entree seemed reasonable, but without all the bread, the entree looked so small... So I gave myself permission to eat as much of the entree as I comfortably could. That turned out to be most of it, and I did eat just past comfortably full, so a minor setback.
But I'm still happy with my progress so far. I hope Lady Luck stays with me through the rest of the trip...
Things started off rockily when I didn't get my exercise done before hopping in the car to drive and drive and drive to Las Vegas. Then of course, by the time we arrived, I was too pooped to even think about exercise.
The next day, I spent at a convention so I did a lot of walking, and I managed to pick up a noodle too. However, I didn't get to use it because the pool closes so early. And I also didn't get to weight-train because the hotel fitness room has an entrance fee! (When did this trend start?!) But I made up for it by going for a long walk that night, and I've used the pool every day since.
I've also been getting a lot of "spontaneous" exercise, since parking is never anywhere close to where you want to go. Even once you get inside the building, you have to walk and walk and walk (casinos are enormous).
Best of all, I'm sticking pretty closely to my food plan. The only deviation so far was last night at my favorite Las Vegas eatery. I had planned to have either a cocktail or some bread in addition to half of the entree. I opted for the cocktail even though I wasn't sure I could withstand the bread. But apparently the busboy forgot about our table and we never got a bread basket. I told myself that was just as well, but I did struggle not to ask for it anyway.
Winning that battle made quite a difference when my entree arrived. Normally I would be so full of bread that eating all of an entree was difficult (but I'd manage!). So my plan to eat 1/2 of the entree seemed reasonable, but without all the bread, the entree looked so small... So I gave myself permission to eat as much of the entree as I comfortably could. That turned out to be most of it, and I did eat just past comfortably full, so a minor setback.
But I'm still happy with my progress so far. I hope Lady Luck stays with me through the rest of the trip...
Monday, September 10, 2007
WEEK 8: High-stakes Gambling
Still a little nervous heading into the eighth week, partly because of the disappointments of last week and partly because I'm headed to Las Vegas, where dieting is almost illegal. But because of last week, I'm doubly determined to not gain weight on vacation.
I have printed out my travel plan and I'll read it every day. I'm also taking my Beck Diet Solution book, ARC, and other Response Cards. I'll read the book as necessary, but clearly I still need to read my ARC and Response Cards every day.
My food plan for the week is set, although not written down. The friend I'm traveling with has agreed to help me stick to it by following it with me.
And I'm taking almost everything I'll need to exercise while I'm there, for both working out in the fitness center and swimming in the pool. The exception is I'm going to pick up a noodle once I get there; a Las Vegas birdie tells me this amazing store has them -- at only 99 cents of course!
So I think I'm prepared to stick with my diet this week. I am going to abandon the To-do List again, and I'm going to delay working on my enrichment project again (after completely forgetting about it last week!). It will be a big enough challenge just following my travel plan. And I really, really, really don't want to backslide this week, but even more, I'd like to lose the last 1/2 lb. on my current 5-lb. goal...
That's right, I lost 1 1/2 lbs. this week! That's almost a bad thing, since I don't want to encourage myself to think I can relax on my diet and still lose weight. But I am pleased that my less-than-stellar performance last week didn't cause permanent damage. Plus, having a goal of losing 1/2 lb. while in Sin City should help me stay on the straight and narrow!
I have printed out my travel plan and I'll read it every day. I'm also taking my Beck Diet Solution book, ARC, and other Response Cards. I'll read the book as necessary, but clearly I still need to read my ARC and Response Cards every day.
My food plan for the week is set, although not written down. The friend I'm traveling with has agreed to help me stick to it by following it with me.
And I'm taking almost everything I'll need to exercise while I'm there, for both working out in the fitness center and swimming in the pool. The exception is I'm going to pick up a noodle once I get there; a Las Vegas birdie tells me this amazing store has them -- at only 99 cents of course!
So I think I'm prepared to stick with my diet this week. I am going to abandon the To-do List again, and I'm going to delay working on my enrichment project again (after completely forgetting about it last week!). It will be a big enough challenge just following my travel plan. And I really, really, really don't want to backslide this week, but even more, I'd like to lose the last 1/2 lb. on my current 5-lb. goal...
That's right, I lost 1 1/2 lbs. this week! That's almost a bad thing, since I don't want to encourage myself to think I can relax on my diet and still lose weight. But I am pleased that my less-than-stellar performance last week didn't cause permanent damage. Plus, having a goal of losing 1/2 lb. while in Sin City should help me stay on the straight and narrow!
Sunday, September 9, 2007
WEEK 7: Recap
Some disappointing news to wrap up my seventh week on the Beck Diet Solution.
I was very nervous about this first solo week because I wouldn't have the daily advice and support of Dr. Beck and also I wouldn't have the structure of my exercise classes since the gym pool was closed for the week. Negative fortune-telling is one of my specialties, but once again my predictions had some foundation in truth.
The freedom from a daily task went to my head, I guess, and I abandoned my weekly to-do list almost immediately. I was still doing most of the things I should, but not in a mindful way, and I completely gave up on consciously giving myself credit and reading my ARC and Response Cards. So I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself, and I'm also worried that relaxing my guard this week will reflect badly on the scale tomorrow.
But I'm not going to let myself get discouraged. I've reread my food diary for the week (I did keep that up!) and my eating wasn't as rampant as it felt like. In fact, I'm still not eating enough every day to keep up a healthy caloric intake. But I guess not having a strict food plan made me feel like I was overeating even when I wasn't. The one day I did overeat (by finishing off leftovers just before bed...) I quickly "rerailed", so really the week wasn't as bad as I've convinced myself.
Even my exercising was better than I was giving myself credit for. I was beating myself up because I didn't take advantage of the other pools available to me this week, but I did find alternatives, going for three long walks and attending a hip-hop dance class. I usually exercise at least 5 days a week, but 4 days in a week with obstacles is nothing to feel bad about!
I do feel bad that I didn't find a replacement for my weight training; I can feel my fledgling muscles turning to mush already... I didn't want to invest in a weight machine or a bunch of free weights at home, but I need to rethink that. I really love having a discernible bicep, and my upper arms have almost completely lost that giant marshmallow look.
So, no, my first solo week was not a raging success, but it's not a reason to get so discouraged that I quit, either. In fact, it's important that I build some confidence quick, because I'm off to Sin City pretty soon. Reviewing my travel plan is another thing I fell down on, but I think my frustration with this week is going to help me stay strong when I'm on the road next week. And for insurance, I'm going to add a progress report blog in the middle of the week.
I'm also going to give more attention to 2 encouraging things about this week:
I started that hip-hop dance class this week. It's something I've been wanting to do for months, and the school is finally offering it again. I wanted to take a dance class because I'm so clumsy and such a lame dancer, but it doesn't hurt that hip-hop dancing is a great form of exercise too. But the encouraging thing about the class is the full wall of mirrors. I avoided looking into them for most of the class since I can't bear how silly I look dancing, but when I did look, it was hard to find myself in the mirror -- I didn't recognize the skinny woman standing in my place! Of course, then the tears of joy misting my eyes made my dancing even worse, but the entire class is worth that second when I so stunningly realized how much I've changed.
The other encouraging thing was a similar revelation: I weeded out my clothes closet. It held clothing in sizes 14 through 24 (all the sizes I've worn as an adult), because I hate to throw anything away. But those bigger outfits were always there when I managed to lose some weight, subconsciously giving me incentive to gain back the weight so that I could still wear some of my favorite clothes. But no more! It was hard to give up some of those beautiful items, but I tried on everything, and if it was too big, out it went. The good news is that half my closet is empty now, ready to be filled with the lovely and smaller-sized clothes I'm going to buy with my credit account balance of $46. But the best news is that my smaller size is now a 14! I haven't been this small in more than 15 years! The pretty outfits I've held onto all this time finally fit again, including the raw silk slacks I found incredibly marked down and begged my mother to buy for my 13th birthday. That calls for another celebration, I'd say!
I was very nervous about this first solo week because I wouldn't have the daily advice and support of Dr. Beck and also I wouldn't have the structure of my exercise classes since the gym pool was closed for the week. Negative fortune-telling is one of my specialties, but once again my predictions had some foundation in truth.
The freedom from a daily task went to my head, I guess, and I abandoned my weekly to-do list almost immediately. I was still doing most of the things I should, but not in a mindful way, and I completely gave up on consciously giving myself credit and reading my ARC and Response Cards. So I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself, and I'm also worried that relaxing my guard this week will reflect badly on the scale tomorrow.
But I'm not going to let myself get discouraged. I've reread my food diary for the week (I did keep that up!) and my eating wasn't as rampant as it felt like. In fact, I'm still not eating enough every day to keep up a healthy caloric intake. But I guess not having a strict food plan made me feel like I was overeating even when I wasn't. The one day I did overeat (by finishing off leftovers just before bed...) I quickly "rerailed", so really the week wasn't as bad as I've convinced myself.
Even my exercising was better than I was giving myself credit for. I was beating myself up because I didn't take advantage of the other pools available to me this week, but I did find alternatives, going for three long walks and attending a hip-hop dance class. I usually exercise at least 5 days a week, but 4 days in a week with obstacles is nothing to feel bad about!
I do feel bad that I didn't find a replacement for my weight training; I can feel my fledgling muscles turning to mush already... I didn't want to invest in a weight machine or a bunch of free weights at home, but I need to rethink that. I really love having a discernible bicep, and my upper arms have almost completely lost that giant marshmallow look.
So, no, my first solo week was not a raging success, but it's not a reason to get so discouraged that I quit, either. In fact, it's important that I build some confidence quick, because I'm off to Sin City pretty soon. Reviewing my travel plan is another thing I fell down on, but I think my frustration with this week is going to help me stay strong when I'm on the road next week. And for insurance, I'm going to add a progress report blog in the middle of the week.
I'm also going to give more attention to 2 encouraging things about this week:
I started that hip-hop dance class this week. It's something I've been wanting to do for months, and the school is finally offering it again. I wanted to take a dance class because I'm so clumsy and such a lame dancer, but it doesn't hurt that hip-hop dancing is a great form of exercise too. But the encouraging thing about the class is the full wall of mirrors. I avoided looking into them for most of the class since I can't bear how silly I look dancing, but when I did look, it was hard to find myself in the mirror -- I didn't recognize the skinny woman standing in my place! Of course, then the tears of joy misting my eyes made my dancing even worse, but the entire class is worth that second when I so stunningly realized how much I've changed.
The other encouraging thing was a similar revelation: I weeded out my clothes closet. It held clothing in sizes 14 through 24 (all the sizes I've worn as an adult), because I hate to throw anything away. But those bigger outfits were always there when I managed to lose some weight, subconsciously giving me incentive to gain back the weight so that I could still wear some of my favorite clothes. But no more! It was hard to give up some of those beautiful items, but I tried on everything, and if it was too big, out it went. The good news is that half my closet is empty now, ready to be filled with the lovely and smaller-sized clothes I'm going to buy with my credit account balance of $46. But the best news is that my smaller size is now a 14! I haven't been this small in more than 15 years! The pretty outfits I've held onto all this time finally fit again, including the raw silk slacks I found incredibly marked down and begged my mother to buy for my 13th birthday. That calls for another celebration, I'd say!
Monday, September 3, 2007
WEEK 7: The Last 50
Some amazing news to kick off my seventh week on the Beck Diet Solution!
At my party the other night, I was looking great and feeling even better. I was wearing an outfit I hadn't been able to fit into for 4 years and (finally!) people started noticing I had lost a lot of weight. The compliments were flying all night, and I felt thin and beautiful and confident. And apparently how good I looked and felt counterbalanced the extra 50 lbs. I'm still carrying because... someone I met at the party asked me out on a date today!
That's right, even before I've lost all the weight, I'm already achieving the third goal on my ARC! I am completely over the moon about it, mostly for the shot of encouragement it gives me as I embark on this first solo week. Unfortunately, the sweetheart who asked me out isn't Mr. Right, or even Mr. Right Now, but he will always be someone special to me for (unknowingly) helping me with my weight loss.
And my weight loss is also some amazing news: I'm more than halfway to my second 5 lb. goal because I lost 3 lbs. this week! Today holds such good omens for the future:
As for the future, Dr. Beck does offer some more advice. In the Going Forward section of her book, she addresses "When to Stop Losing and Start Maintaining". I am very much looking forward to the day I need to make that change! To determine what day that should be, Dr. Beck asks 2 questions:
Dr. Beck tells us a person who answers those questions with 2 different numbers has more realistic expectations. I guess so, but I think it's possible to be realistic if they're the same too.
Really, my ideal and satisfaction goals aren't numbers on a scale, they're about how I look and feel. But to quantify those feelings, numbers are going to have to do. So since most weight charts put the upper limit of a healthy weight for a woman my height at 130, my satisfaction goal is 130 lbs. I suppose I could say my ideal goal would be towards the lower end of the healthy range, closer to 117 lbs., but again, it's really about how I'll look and feel with less weight hanging on me.
Dr. Beck goes on to discuss "lowest achievable weight vs. lowest maintainable weight", but I'm not ready to think about that yet. Right now, my focus is still losing another 50 lbs.
To that end, my goals this week are to:
At my party the other night, I was looking great and feeling even better. I was wearing an outfit I hadn't been able to fit into for 4 years and (finally!) people started noticing I had lost a lot of weight. The compliments were flying all night, and I felt thin and beautiful and confident. And apparently how good I looked and felt counterbalanced the extra 50 lbs. I'm still carrying because... someone I met at the party asked me out on a date today!
That's right, even before I've lost all the weight, I'm already achieving the third goal on my ARC! I am completely over the moon about it, mostly for the shot of encouragement it gives me as I embark on this first solo week. Unfortunately, the sweetheart who asked me out isn't Mr. Right, or even Mr. Right Now, but he will always be someone special to me for (unknowingly) helping me with my weight loss.
And my weight loss is also some amazing news: I'm more than halfway to my second 5 lb. goal because I lost 3 lbs. this week! Today holds such good omens for the future:
As for the future, Dr. Beck does offer some more advice. In the Going Forward section of her book, she addresses "When to Stop Losing and Start Maintaining". I am very much looking forward to the day I need to make that change! To determine what day that should be, Dr. Beck asks 2 questions:
- What weight would you like to weigh? (i.e., your ideal goal)
- What weight could make you at least minimally satisfied? (i.e., your satisfaction goal)
Dr. Beck tells us a person who answers those questions with 2 different numbers has more realistic expectations. I guess so, but I think it's possible to be realistic if they're the same too.
Really, my ideal and satisfaction goals aren't numbers on a scale, they're about how I look and feel. But to quantify those feelings, numbers are going to have to do. So since most weight charts put the upper limit of a healthy weight for a woman my height at 130, my satisfaction goal is 130 lbs. I suppose I could say my ideal goal would be towards the lower end of the healthy range, closer to 117 lbs., but again, it's really about how I'll look and feel with less weight hanging on me.
Dr. Beck goes on to discuss "lowest achievable weight vs. lowest maintainable weight", but I'm not ready to think about that yet. Right now, my focus is still losing another 50 lbs.
To that end, my goals this week are to:
- Practice my skills
- Complete my To-do List
- Find substitute exercise while the gym pool is closed
- Review my travel plan for my trip to Las Vegas
Sunday, September 2, 2007
DAY 42: How to Get to Carnegie Hall
The 42nd and last step in the Beck Diet Solution is to practice, practice, practice.
Dr. Beck introduces the step with these kudos:
Then Dr. Beck promises "rough patches" -- times when I'll give in to cravings, forget to give myself credit, go off my food plan, even question whether all this work and sacrifice is worth the time and effort. But she also promises these rough patches are TEMPORARY. And she's completely right about that too. I just have to remember it, and store up confidence and motivation while I'm still feeling strong and excited about my weight loss.
Finally, Dr. Beck provides Reminders to Think Thin, which are essentially the Sabotaging Thought/Helpful Response pairs she's provided throughout the program. These Reminders reinforce the Cognitive Therapy for unplanned eating, overeating, making excuses, gaining some weight, feelings of unfairness, and most important:
Sabotaging Thought: Now that I've lost weight, I can stop being so careful.
Helpful Response: If I want to keep the weight off, I need to use the techniques I've learned for the rest of my life. If I don't continue to maintain my new mindset and eating behaviors, I'll invariably gain back weight.
This reminder will be especially helpful as I move forward on my own, and the other Reminders will be useful too, as I practice, practice, practice thinking like a thin person while I truly turn into one!
Dr. Beck introduces the step with these kudos:
Congratulations! You've learned the Cognitive Therapy skills you need to think like a thin person. The longer you use these new thinking skills, the more automatic they'll become. Dieting will continue to get easier. ... Your thinking has fundamentally changed in the past six weeks.And she's completely right. I am thinking like a thin person now, having changed my life through the skills she's taught me.
Then Dr. Beck promises "rough patches" -- times when I'll give in to cravings, forget to give myself credit, go off my food plan, even question whether all this work and sacrifice is worth the time and effort. But she also promises these rough patches are TEMPORARY. And she's completely right about that too. I just have to remember it, and store up confidence and motivation while I'm still feeling strong and excited about my weight loss.
Finally, Dr. Beck provides Reminders to Think Thin, which are essentially the Sabotaging Thought/Helpful Response pairs she's provided throughout the program. These Reminders reinforce the Cognitive Therapy for unplanned eating, overeating, making excuses, gaining some weight, feelings of unfairness, and most important:
Sabotaging Thought: Now that I've lost weight, I can stop being so careful.
Helpful Response: If I want to keep the weight off, I need to use the techniques I've learned for the rest of my life. If I don't continue to maintain my new mindset and eating behaviors, I'll invariably gain back weight.
This reminder will be especially helpful as I move forward on my own, and the other Reminders will be useful too, as I practice, practice, practice thinking like a thin person while I truly turn into one!
Saturday, September 1, 2007
DAY 41: To-do List, Redux
The penultimate step in the Beck Diet Solution is to create a new to-do list for the skills I'll be practicing every day and every week for pretty much the rest of my life.
Dr. Beck provides these lists of activities that will form the new to-do list:
Daily Activities:
I'm still nervous about going this "alone", that is, without the daily advice and support of Dr. Beck through her book. But having a daily to-do list maintains my focus and motivation, so continuing that practice should help ease my anxiety.
Dr. Beck provides these lists of activities that will form the new to-do list:
Daily Activities:
- Eat a healthful diet with limited calories.
- Eat mindfully and slowly while sitting.
- Eat only to mild fullness.
- Keep a food diary.
- Give yourself credit.
- Spontaneously exercise.
- Respond to sabotaging thoughts.
- Weigh in.
- Exercise at least three times a week.
- Continue to make time and energy to diet.
- Read your ARC.
- Use the anti-craving techniques.
- Use the Seven Question Technique when you're upset.
- Prepare yourself for special-occasion eating.
- Do problem solving to reduce stress.
- Enrich your life.
- Create food plans.
Dr. Beck calls this the most important task to carry forward for the rest of your life. She does offer that writing down the food plan could be too much trouble, so doing it in your head is OK. At least until you find yourself over-eating. Then you should go back to writing down your food plan. As Dr. Beck instructs, "DON'T GIVE YOURSELF A CHOICE ABOUT THIS." - Read your Response Cards.
Reading your Response Cards can become an as-needed activity, instead of a daily activity, as long as that works. As soon as you start to struggle with those issues, though, you should start reading them daily. Again, "DON'T GIVE YOURSELF A CHOICE ABOUT THIS."
I'm still nervous about going this "alone", that is, without the daily advice and support of Dr. Beck through her book. But having a daily to-do list maintains my focus and motivation, so continuing that practice should help ease my anxiety.
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