WEEK 9: Recap

No progress report this week because there wasn't much progress.

On Monday, my first real day back from vacation, my mind was still very much on vacation, and I couldn't convince myself to exercise or follow my To-do List. As the week progressed, I was still fighting that "who cares?" mentality as well as facing some unpleasant paperwork that was due on Friday. I was in such a tizzy about that, I just didn't have anything left over to worry about my diet much.

The good news is, I didn't turn to food as a soother as I would have in the past. Thank you, Dr. Beck! Actually, I went the other way, sticking to my food plan but not always eating everything I could have (and, really, should have). And I did manage to get myself to exercise the last 3 days of the week.

The good-news-that-could-be-bad-news is, it doesn't seem like the lack of exercise or inattention to my To-do List hurt my weight loss efforts. The scale has been kind to me all week, which I still can't view as a good thing. If I'm not being good on my diet but I'm still losing weight, it's a temptation to think I don't have to stick to my diet and I'll still lose weight. But history tells me that's not just true.

I think part of the problem is that Dr. Beck has taught me to think like a thin person, really and truly, but I still think of myself as someone who thinks like a fat person. So even though I can face a bread basket without having a single slice and without feeling deprived, I still think of myself as that fat person who wants to shove the whole basket down her throat. The shift between who I used to be and who I am now is something I need to fully understand so that I can be happier and able to celebrate my successes without predicting imminent failure. So that'll be another task to add to my ignored To-do List.

In somewhat more positive news, I worked up the courage to wear The Dress to a dinner party this week. I solved the bare arms issue by finding a shrug that covered my arms but still showed off my tiny-looking waist! I was still nervous about the decolletage though because I don't usually show so much cleavage. But the confidence-boosting magic of the dress convinced me to wear it, and I was a big hit! Everyone exclaimed how wonderful I looked, one person going so far as to call me "hot" (that was a first!).

I was a little uncomfortable with all the attention anyway, but it was a little saddening that the difference in my appearance was so huge that people were blown away by the new me. I'd always thought I dressed pretty well for someone my size. But it's true, I did prefer shapeless outfits so that my puffy arms, bulging stomach, huge hips, and thunder thighs wouldn't be so obvious. So I guess I can't blame my friends for being stunned by my new wardrobe, and it was sure nice to hear I'm hot!