WEEK 7: Recap

Some disappointing news to wrap up my seventh week on the Beck Diet Solution.

I was very nervous about this first solo week because I wouldn't have the daily advice and support of Dr. Beck and also I wouldn't have the structure of my exercise classes since the gym pool was closed for the week. Negative fortune-telling is one of my specialties, but once again my predictions had some foundation in truth.

The freedom from a daily task went to my head, I guess, and I abandoned my weekly to-do list almost immediately. I was still doing most of the things I should, but not in a mindful way, and I completely gave up on consciously giving myself credit and reading my ARC and Response Cards. So I'm feeling a little disappointed in myself, and I'm also worried that relaxing my guard this week will reflect badly on the scale tomorrow.

But I'm not going to let myself get discouraged. I've reread my food diary for the week (I did keep that up!) and my eating wasn't as rampant as it felt like. In fact, I'm still not eating enough every day to keep up a healthy caloric intake. But I guess not having a strict food plan made me feel like I was overeating even when I wasn't. The one day I did overeat (by finishing off leftovers just before bed...) I quickly "rerailed", so really the week wasn't as bad as I've convinced myself.

Even my exercising was better than I was giving myself credit for. I was beating myself up because I didn't take advantage of the other pools available to me this week, but I did find alternatives, going for three long walks and attending a hip-hop dance class. I usually exercise at least 5 days a week, but 4 days in a week with obstacles is nothing to feel bad about!

I do feel bad that I didn't find a replacement for my weight training; I can feel my fledgling muscles turning to mush already... I didn't want to invest in a weight machine or a bunch of free weights at home, but I need to rethink that. I really love having a discernible bicep, and my upper arms have almost completely lost that giant marshmallow look.

So, no, my first solo week was not a raging success, but it's not a reason to get so discouraged that I quit, either. In fact, it's important that I build some confidence quick, because I'm off to Sin City pretty soon. Reviewing my travel plan is another thing I fell down on, but I think my frustration with this week is going to help me stay strong when I'm on the road next week. And for insurance, I'm going to add a progress report blog in the middle of the week.

I'm also going to give more attention to 2 encouraging things about this week:

I started that hip-hop dance class this week. It's something I've been wanting to do for months, and the school is finally offering it again. I wanted to take a dance class because I'm so clumsy and such a lame dancer, but it doesn't hurt that hip-hop dancing is a great form of exercise too. But the encouraging thing about the class is the full wall of mirrors. I avoided looking into them for most of the class since I can't bear how silly I look dancing, but when I did look, it was hard to find myself in the mirror -- I didn't recognize the skinny woman standing in my place! Of course, then the tears of joy misting my eyes made my dancing even worse, but the entire class is worth that second when I so stunningly realized how much I've changed.

The other encouraging thing was a similar revelation: I weeded out my clothes closet. It held clothing in sizes 14 through 24 (all the sizes I've worn as an adult), because I hate to throw anything away. But those bigger outfits were always there when I managed to lose some weight, subconsciously giving me incentive to gain back the weight so that I could still wear some of my favorite clothes. But no more! It was hard to give up some of those beautiful items, but I tried on everything, and if it was too big, out it went. The good news is that half my closet is empty now, ready to be filled with the lovely and smaller-sized clothes I'm going to buy with my credit account balance of $46. But the best news is that my smaller size is now a 14! I haven't been this small in more than 15 years! The pretty outfits I've held onto all this time finally fit again, including the raw silk slacks I found incredibly marked down and begged my mother to buy for my 13th birthday. That calls for another celebration, I'd say!