Some important progress this week, an early failure, and plenty left to do!
So far I'm meeting my most important goal of not letting my "splurge" thoughts get the better of me. Monday was an especially hard day on this task, but I kept my thoughts from turning into actions and my eating was pretty good that day. Each successive day has been a little bit easier (although still not easy). But it's true what Dr. Beck says about the resistance muscle, so I will get on top of this problem eventually.
My second goal of getting to all my exercise classes this week ended on the second day. I figured out I would have to miss my class on Tuesday (I still haven't perfected being in two places at once), but I promised myself I would take a long walk to make up for it. But when I got home, it was so cold, and I was so sleepy... I got as far as putting on my sweat pants and sneakers and then I gave up and curled up in bed.
That failure was a disappointment, but I've been doing well with the second part of that goal (putting effort into my classes). I've been working out much harder and focusing more on the exercise than on watching the clock. It's amazing how much faster the time goes this way! Last week, when I wasn't really engaged in the exercise, I would check the clock every time I got bored and I was looking every 1-2 minutes (and on one occasion, it seemed as if the clock had moved backwards!). This week, when I'm concentrating on my form and feeling the muscles work, the classes don't seem as long and drawn-out and they're more enjoyable.
My first goal still needs work (I've got 4 more days!) and I'll need to keep up with my other two goals, but I'm feeling more encouraged about all of it. It helps that when I stepped on the scale this morning, I was down another 1/2 lb!
It also helps that for 3 classes in a row now, someone has congratulated me on my weight loss. There was the angry lady, then a woman who wanted to know what I was eating, and today the grandmotherly one who whispered to me (as if it might be a shameful secret I was unaware of) that I was losing weight. When I responded positively, she brightened and told me I was doing a wonderful job. Then she asked me what my secret is. It's funny how all three women asked about "my secret", as if more exercise and less eating were an exotic idea!
What's fabulous is how all of them independently offered support right now, when I really need it. Bless them!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
WEEK 15: I Am the Tortoise (goo goo g'joob)
Another 1/2 pound gone this week. I'm disappointed at not seeing a bigger number of course, but I have to consider myself lucky to have lost at all after last week's lapses.
I'd like to commit to a bigger number at next week's weigh-in, but I don't want my focus to be on the scale. Yes, I want the scale to give me positive feedback, but it's more important that my exercise and eating are appropriate.
So my first goal for this week is to use my pilates kit at least once. Baby steps!
My second goal is to attend all 7 classes at the Y this week and really put some effort into them.
My third goal is the most important, but I'm not sure how to make it work.
I've noticed that I'm slipping back into my old pattern of thinking I only have to be "good" for a short period of time and then I can relax and "celebrate". For instance, today was the first weigh-in for my weight-loss contest. I was worried before the weigh-in, again because of last week, but I kept thinking that once I got over that hurdle, I could cut loose and "treat" myself to some extra calories. This mindset didn't do me any favors in the past, and with the holidays almost upon us... I am afraid, I am very, very afraid. It doesn't help that I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year and when planning the menu, I keep adding more and more of my favorite foods and fantasizing about stuffing my face until I pop.
Clearly I must get myself back under control. Any time it would be dangerous to give myself permission to splurge, but right now, on the brink of Thanksgiving, my birthday, and then Christmas... In 2 short months, I could easily undo all the progress of this summer!
So my third goal this week is to curb this dangerous thinking, but I'm not sure how to do it. For now, I'm staying aware of it and fighting it in the moment.
Something that could help is the weight-loss contest. In today's weigh-in, I won! But it was because my friend gained weight in the last two weeks, not necessarily because I did so well. But now that she's $25 poorer and probably more motivated to lose in the next two weeks, I need to step up my efforts too. Because turtling along at 1/2-lb. losses is not going to win me the race!
I'd like to commit to a bigger number at next week's weigh-in, but I don't want my focus to be on the scale. Yes, I want the scale to give me positive feedback, but it's more important that my exercise and eating are appropriate.
So my first goal for this week is to use my pilates kit at least once. Baby steps!
My second goal is to attend all 7 classes at the Y this week and really put some effort into them.
My third goal is the most important, but I'm not sure how to make it work.
I've noticed that I'm slipping back into my old pattern of thinking I only have to be "good" for a short period of time and then I can relax and "celebrate". For instance, today was the first weigh-in for my weight-loss contest. I was worried before the weigh-in, again because of last week, but I kept thinking that once I got over that hurdle, I could cut loose and "treat" myself to some extra calories. This mindset didn't do me any favors in the past, and with the holidays almost upon us... I am afraid, I am very, very afraid. It doesn't help that I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year and when planning the menu, I keep adding more and more of my favorite foods and fantasizing about stuffing my face until I pop.
Clearly I must get myself back under control. Any time it would be dangerous to give myself permission to splurge, but right now, on the brink of Thanksgiving, my birthday, and then Christmas... In 2 short months, I could easily undo all the progress of this summer!
So my third goal this week is to curb this dangerous thinking, but I'm not sure how to do it. For now, I'm staying aware of it and fighting it in the moment.
Something that could help is the weight-loss contest. In today's weigh-in, I won! But it was because my friend gained weight in the last two weeks, not necessarily because I did so well. But now that she's $25 poorer and probably more motivated to lose in the next two weeks, I need to step up my efforts too. Because turtling along at 1/2-lb. losses is not going to win me the race!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
WEEK 14: Recap
This was another week on the roller coaster: I was feeling up, I was feeling down, I was doing well, I was crashing and burning...
I did meet my primary goal of keeping up with my exercise. In letter, if not in spirit since I was phoning it in sometimes. But I rededicated myself in the middle of the week, and it helped.
What helped more was the woman in one of my exercise classes who commented on my weight loss and asked how I was doing it. I gave credit to the Y, telling her I was attending classes almost every day. She got an angry look on her face and protested, "But I come to classes 4 days a week!" Maybe that's true, but it's no mystery why she looks to be the same size as when I met her 8 months ago: she shows up for class about halfway through, stands at the back visiting with her friends while mostly standing still, then leaves early! So even though it was a struggle not to laugh in her face, I was glad of the reminder that I have to exercise to lose weight!
My secondary goal of keeping my eating under control was threatened yet again by those damn cupcakes. I hosted another party this weekend, where I served the rest of the cupcakes. And I was so good during the party! I had eaten dinner right before it started, so I was full and able to resist the cupcakes as well as all the other temptations people had brought to share. It was really hard, but I was so, so good during the party. Then after the party, I managed to get rid of all the leftovers except for the last three cupcakes... They should have gone directly into the garbage right then and there, but I was weak, the cupcakes were strong, and I ate one. And then I ate another. And then I found my spine and threw the last one in the garbage.
So with the lackluster gym performance and diet slip-ups, I'm worried about the scale tomorrow. The numbers throughout the week have been consistently high, although that could be misleading because I keep forgetting to weigh myself until late in the evening. Still, even discounting a pound or two, that number is not pretty...
I did meet my primary goal of keeping up with my exercise. In letter, if not in spirit since I was phoning it in sometimes. But I rededicated myself in the middle of the week, and it helped.
What helped more was the woman in one of my exercise classes who commented on my weight loss and asked how I was doing it. I gave credit to the Y, telling her I was attending classes almost every day. She got an angry look on her face and protested, "But I come to classes 4 days a week!" Maybe that's true, but it's no mystery why she looks to be the same size as when I met her 8 months ago: she shows up for class about halfway through, stands at the back visiting with her friends while mostly standing still, then leaves early! So even though it was a struggle not to laugh in her face, I was glad of the reminder that I have to exercise to lose weight!
My secondary goal of keeping my eating under control was threatened yet again by those damn cupcakes. I hosted another party this weekend, where I served the rest of the cupcakes. And I was so good during the party! I had eaten dinner right before it started, so I was full and able to resist the cupcakes as well as all the other temptations people had brought to share. It was really hard, but I was so, so good during the party. Then after the party, I managed to get rid of all the leftovers except for the last three cupcakes... They should have gone directly into the garbage right then and there, but I was weak, the cupcakes were strong, and I ate one. And then I ate another. And then I found my spine and threw the last one in the garbage.
So with the lackluster gym performance and diet slip-ups, I'm worried about the scale tomorrow. The numbers throughout the week have been consistently high, although that could be misleading because I keep forgetting to weigh myself until late in the evening. Still, even discounting a pound or two, that number is not pretty...
Thursday, October 25, 2007
WEEK 14: Progress Report
The report is progress is good. So far.
I've made it to the gym every day this week but it's been hard. I feel as if I'm just going through the motions in my classes, and that's not going to do me much good. Is it boredom? If so, it'll be a challenge to find new (and effective) ways of exercising.
Instead of completely revamping my exercise schedule, I think I'll start with some small changes. A while ago, I picked up an at-home exercise system, so maybe it's about time I took it out of the box and tried some new exercise!
The second part of my goal, keeping my eating under control, has hit a small snag though. I was doing well until a birthday dinner the other night. I was great at the dinner and resisted the delicious birthday cupcakes with no effort whatsoever. But I made those cupcakes and still had half the batch sitting at home. I had counted on them being as easy to resist as the last times, but I was wrong. Last night, I decided that one cupcake wasn't going to hurt me, and that seemed like a fine idea. But then a second one seemed like a fine idea too, and it was down the hatch before I'd even stopped to think.
So I stopped to think: 2 cupcakes were more than enough and it was time to stop. I put the rest out of sight (hoping for out of mind). I also reminded myself the first contest weigh-in is a few days away and the momentary pleasure of a cupcake wasn't worth losing $25. I even thought of Dr. Beck's teachings: a small mistake is better than a big mistake.
Still, I went back and had a third cupcake. I don't know what got into me! It's been a long, long, l-o-n-g time since my will power so completely evaporated. But I've managed to get back on track, so that's the important thing. After that third cupcake, I flossed and brushed my teeth, and then I wrote out a food plan for today. I didn't want history to repeat itself!
I even considered throwing the remaining cupcakes away, to ensure they wouldn't tempt me, but that seemed just too wasteful. It is true that it's better to waste food in the garbage than in my body, but I'm hoping it won't come to either one. And so far, so good. I'm sticking to my food plan, and this is the first I've thought about those cupcakes. And I'm not even tempted!
Now, that's progress.
I've made it to the gym every day this week but it's been hard. I feel as if I'm just going through the motions in my classes, and that's not going to do me much good. Is it boredom? If so, it'll be a challenge to find new (and effective) ways of exercising.
Instead of completely revamping my exercise schedule, I think I'll start with some small changes. A while ago, I picked up an at-home exercise system, so maybe it's about time I took it out of the box and tried some new exercise!
The second part of my goal, keeping my eating under control, has hit a small snag though. I was doing well until a birthday dinner the other night. I was great at the dinner and resisted the delicious birthday cupcakes with no effort whatsoever. But I made those cupcakes and still had half the batch sitting at home. I had counted on them being as easy to resist as the last times, but I was wrong. Last night, I decided that one cupcake wasn't going to hurt me, and that seemed like a fine idea. But then a second one seemed like a fine idea too, and it was down the hatch before I'd even stopped to think.
So I stopped to think: 2 cupcakes were more than enough and it was time to stop. I put the rest out of sight (hoping for out of mind). I also reminded myself the first contest weigh-in is a few days away and the momentary pleasure of a cupcake wasn't worth losing $25. I even thought of Dr. Beck's teachings: a small mistake is better than a big mistake.
Still, I went back and had a third cupcake. I don't know what got into me! It's been a long, long, l-o-n-g time since my will power so completely evaporated. But I've managed to get back on track, so that's the important thing. After that third cupcake, I flossed and brushed my teeth, and then I wrote out a food plan for today. I didn't want history to repeat itself!
I even considered throwing the remaining cupcakes away, to ensure they wouldn't tempt me, but that seemed just too wasteful. It is true that it's better to waste food in the garbage than in my body, but I'm hoping it won't come to either one. And so far, so good. I'm sticking to my food plan, and this is the first I've thought about those cupcakes. And I'm not even tempted!
Now, that's progress.
Monday, October 22, 2007
WEEK 14: The Last 39.5
I did it! I did it! I've lost my first 20 pounds on the Beck Diet Solution! Plus another 1/2 pound to boot! Now I have only 39.5 or so to go...
Exercise is the key, so my goal this week is once again to keep up my exercise while keeping my eating under control.
My secondary goal is to keep my enthusiasm up. I'm entering dangerous territory: I've never been able to get below 170 lbs. as an adult. The two times I've been close, I've stalled, gotten discouraged, and gained back the weight. But not this time! First, I'm hoping the exercise and diet will prevent another stall, but second, I will not be discouraged! Dr. Beck will see me through any stalls and on through to the 160s!
For the moment though, I'm just celebrating being here. It's a very exciting place!
Exercise is the key, so my goal this week is once again to keep up my exercise while keeping my eating under control.
My secondary goal is to keep my enthusiasm up. I'm entering dangerous territory: I've never been able to get below 170 lbs. as an adult. The two times I've been close, I've stalled, gotten discouraged, and gained back the weight. But not this time! First, I'm hoping the exercise and diet will prevent another stall, but second, I will not be discouraged! Dr. Beck will see me through any stalls and on through to the 160s!
For the moment though, I'm just celebrating being here. It's a very exciting place!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
WEEK 13: Recap
Dieting on the road is hard!
My goal to exercise while travelling went unmet; I was always too busy or too tired to take advantage of the free exercise room or the late pool hours. But I did really well at exercising before and after my trip; I even delayed my departure a couple of hours so I could go to an exercise class first! So despite falling short of my goal, I'm feeling good about my level of exercise this week and expecting good results from the scale tomorrow.
Dieting was also a challenge; I unexpectedly encountered four different buffets and wasn't fully prepared to deny myself at all of them. At the snack buffet, I was pretty good at avoiding the junk food choices like doughnuts and chocolate. I had a granola bar, a banana, a raisin bagel, and then a lollipop. I felt really guilty about the lollipop, because I didn't need it, I just wanted it. But at 60 calories and no fat, the actual damage was relatively small.
At the dinner buffet, I was doing great! I stuck to a single plate and filled up mostly on the soup. And then everyone wanted dessert... I had planned to skip the dessert table, but when it became a social visit, I went along. And then I couldn't choose between the chocolate-frosted chocolate cake, the cream cheese-frosted carrot cake, the rum ball, and the cherry crumble. So I got some of each... In the end, I didn't eat more than a bite of each, but that was enough to push me past comfortably full, right into bloated and moaning.
By the breakfast buffet, my stomach was feeling better, but my guilt was going strong. So I walked right past the waffle station and stuck to a bowl of raisin bran cereal with milk and 2 slices of toast with butter and jam.
Then there was the lunch buffet. I was still feeling strong and stuck to the salad end and a single plate. Everything was so delicious, but I held strong and didn't even look at the entree tables or the dessert tables. Yay, me!
But then I ruined it on the way home by giving in to the siren call of a frozen treat... It wasn't very good but I finished it anyway because it had cost so much. That's something else I'll have to work on in addition to strengthening my will power!
My goal to exercise while travelling went unmet; I was always too busy or too tired to take advantage of the free exercise room or the late pool hours. But I did really well at exercising before and after my trip; I even delayed my departure a couple of hours so I could go to an exercise class first! So despite falling short of my goal, I'm feeling good about my level of exercise this week and expecting good results from the scale tomorrow.
Dieting was also a challenge; I unexpectedly encountered four different buffets and wasn't fully prepared to deny myself at all of them. At the snack buffet, I was pretty good at avoiding the junk food choices like doughnuts and chocolate. I had a granola bar, a banana, a raisin bagel, and then a lollipop. I felt really guilty about the lollipop, because I didn't need it, I just wanted it. But at 60 calories and no fat, the actual damage was relatively small.
At the dinner buffet, I was doing great! I stuck to a single plate and filled up mostly on the soup. And then everyone wanted dessert... I had planned to skip the dessert table, but when it became a social visit, I went along. And then I couldn't choose between the chocolate-frosted chocolate cake, the cream cheese-frosted carrot cake, the rum ball, and the cherry crumble. So I got some of each... In the end, I didn't eat more than a bite of each, but that was enough to push me past comfortably full, right into bloated and moaning.
By the breakfast buffet, my stomach was feeling better, but my guilt was going strong. So I walked right past the waffle station and stuck to a bowl of raisin bran cereal with milk and 2 slices of toast with butter and jam.
Then there was the lunch buffet. I was still feeling strong and stuck to the salad end and a single plate. Everything was so delicious, but I held strong and didn't even look at the entree tables or the dessert tables. Yay, me!
But then I ruined it on the way home by giving in to the siren call of a frozen treat... It wasn't very good but I finished it anyway because it had cost so much. That's something else I'll have to work on in addition to strengthening my will power!
Monday, October 15, 2007
WEEK 13: Fingers Crossed
Bad news/good news to kick off this thirteenth week: I only lost 1/2 lb., but that's proof positive that I'm not dying (whew!) and that exercise really is the key to my dieting success.
So my goal this week is to keep up with my exercise, which may be another "exercise" in futility since I'm traveling again for a few days. But last week's trip taught me I need to watch my eating more and I've got an exercise plan too; the hotel has a pool that's open very late (so no excuses for not fitting in a swim) and it has a free exercise room, so I can also do some time on the treadmill and lift some weights.
Fingers crossed that I get my diet back on track; I'd cross my toes too, but it's hard to exercise like that!
So my goal this week is to keep up with my exercise, which may be another "exercise" in futility since I'm traveling again for a few days. But last week's trip taught me I need to watch my eating more and I've got an exercise plan too; the hotel has a pool that's open very late (so no excuses for not fitting in a swim) and it has a free exercise room, so I can also do some time on the treadmill and lift some weights.
Fingers crossed that I get my diet back on track; I'd cross my toes too, but it's hard to exercise like that!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
WEEK 12: Recap
Best laid plans... Well, I never got around to reading my Beck Diet Solution book. I was travelling this week, so my diet wasn't something I focused on. And even though dieting on my last trip worked out so well, it didn't this time: I didn't exercise much and I ate way more than I was comfortable with (both physical and mental comfort).
Figuring out a way to get back on track for next week should be my next goal. Particularly because I'll be travelling again next week.
In better news, I successfully fought my first craving! One of my worst crave foods ambushed me before bed one night, and I found myself thinking that a little bit wouldn't hurt anything. Which, of course, is wrong. A little bit does hurt me, and it leads to more, which really hurts. So instead I brushed my teeth and went to bed, feeling righteous!
Also, I've successfully sold a friend on the Beck Diet Solution! He's waiting on Amazon.com to deliver his book, and I'm hoping that when I start helping him through the program it will help me too.
Further help is that the weight-loss contest is back on. My friend dropped out of it early on because she said she didn't have time to work on her weight. Now that she's gained even more weight, she's ready to try again! So the race is on to see who can lose 15 lbs. first, starting tomorrow.
The contest gives me added incentive to get back on the program and start seeing the weight melt off again. Here's hoping it's enough...
Figuring out a way to get back on track for next week should be my next goal. Particularly because I'll be travelling again next week.
In better news, I successfully fought my first craving! One of my worst crave foods ambushed me before bed one night, and I found myself thinking that a little bit wouldn't hurt anything. Which, of course, is wrong. A little bit does hurt me, and it leads to more, which really hurts. So instead I brushed my teeth and went to bed, feeling righteous!
Also, I've successfully sold a friend on the Beck Diet Solution! He's waiting on Amazon.com to deliver his book, and I'm hoping that when I start helping him through the program it will help me too.
Further help is that the weight-loss contest is back on. My friend dropped out of it early on because she said she didn't have time to work on her weight. Now that she's gained even more weight, she's ready to try again! So the race is on to see who can lose 15 lbs. first, starting tomorrow.
The contest gives me added incentive to get back on the program and start seeing the weight melt off again. Here's hoping it's enough...
Monday, October 8, 2007
WEEK 12: Back to Basics
The Beck Diet Solution has changed my life by changing the way I think. A lot of the diet challenges I endured for more than 20 years are no longer a problem, and dieting is easy for me now. The weight just seems to be melting away, so what more could I ask for?
As it happens, I would ask to be more confident in my dieting. It's true that my results have been fantastic, but I'm doubting myself and my efforts now. I'd like to return to those early days on the program when I could see how much my life was changing and it really charged up my confidence and excitement about dieting.
To that end, I'm going to go back to the beginning and reread the Beck Diet Solution book. My goal this week is to retrace the first 7 steps in an effort to jump-start my enthusiasm for dieting and my faith in myself. That way I can continue to lose weight and know that it's because of my new "thin person" mindset, instead of worrying that it's all a fluke that could come to an end any time.
Fortunately, my poor performance last week didn't bring an end to the downward slope of my chart. I did lose this week, if only 1 lb. And that right there is an indication of my mindset: losing only a pound seems like a failure to me, when I should be thrilled that my other dieting skills are strong enough that skipping a lot of exercise didn't do any damage. But that's OK, Dr. Beck will sort me out.
As it happens, I would ask to be more confident in my dieting. It's true that my results have been fantastic, but I'm doubting myself and my efforts now. I'd like to return to those early days on the program when I could see how much my life was changing and it really charged up my confidence and excitement about dieting.
To that end, I'm going to go back to the beginning and reread the Beck Diet Solution book. My goal this week is to retrace the first 7 steps in an effort to jump-start my enthusiasm for dieting and my faith in myself. That way I can continue to lose weight and know that it's because of my new "thin person" mindset, instead of worrying that it's all a fluke that could come to an end any time.
Fortunately, my poor performance last week didn't bring an end to the downward slope of my chart. I did lose this week, if only 1 lb. And that right there is an indication of my mindset: losing only a pound seems like a failure to me, when I should be thrilled that my other dieting skills are strong enough that skipping a lot of exercise didn't do any damage. But that's OK, Dr. Beck will sort me out.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
WEEK 11: Recap
This week was kind of a roller coaster of jubilation and rationalization.
I didn't see a doctor this week because I realized I didn't want to know if I were sick again. Chemo was hard enough to deal with the first time around, when I didn't know what to expect. I don't want to face chemo again knowing what I know now. So even though it would probably set my mind at ease (because I'm not dying! I'm not!), I'm chickening out of seeing a doctor.
There's some guilt over that rationalization, as well as some lingering worry, but I've been tamping it down with shopping sprees. After my mammoth weeding, my closet is getting overfull again...
But I couldn't be happier about it because, for the very first time ever in my adult life, I purchased a size 12 garment. Size 12!!! Surely there are people in this world who would shudder to think of wearing a size 12, but for me, it is an unbelievable joy. I want to shout it from the rooftops: I AM WEARING A SIZE 12! What's more, I am smokin' hot in that size 12 outfit. None of the words in this paragraph are ones I thought would every apply all to me. Wearing a size 12? A total fantasy. Being smokin' hot in a context other than setting myself aflame with a cigarette? It's a world gone mad! And I'm wearing the world's biggest smile through it all.
I believe this purchase satisfies my first ARC goal, but I predict I will keep on shopping (size 9 anyone?).
To support my shopping habit, I made it back to the gym this week. At least I met my important weekly goal! And it felt good. After a month away from my step aerobics class, I expected to feel whipped after that first class back (and when the instructor came in loaded for bear, the worry intensified). But it was a breeze! OK, a sweaty, tiring breeze, but I didn't feel any worse than I did after any other class. And I even had the energy to lift some weights afterward. Good-bye, saggy grandma arms...
Unfortunately my schedule (which has adapted to not going the gym) kept me from going more than twice this week. And that lack is showing up on the scale -- it's barely moved this week. That makes more sense to me than what happened last week (and bolsters my denial), but it will be sad to see the same old number again tomorrow (or, heaven forfend, a higher number...oh, dear).
There could be a lot less jubilation and a lot more rationalization in my future.
I didn't see a doctor this week because I realized I didn't want to know if I were sick again. Chemo was hard enough to deal with the first time around, when I didn't know what to expect. I don't want to face chemo again knowing what I know now. So even though it would probably set my mind at ease (because I'm not dying! I'm not!), I'm chickening out of seeing a doctor.
There's some guilt over that rationalization, as well as some lingering worry, but I've been tamping it down with shopping sprees. After my mammoth weeding, my closet is getting overfull again...
But I couldn't be happier about it because, for the very first time ever in my adult life, I purchased a size 12 garment. Size 12!!! Surely there are people in this world who would shudder to think of wearing a size 12, but for me, it is an unbelievable joy. I want to shout it from the rooftops: I AM WEARING A SIZE 12! What's more, I am smokin' hot in that size 12 outfit. None of the words in this paragraph are ones I thought would every apply all to me. Wearing a size 12? A total fantasy. Being smokin' hot in a context other than setting myself aflame with a cigarette? It's a world gone mad! And I'm wearing the world's biggest smile through it all.
I believe this purchase satisfies my first ARC goal, but I predict I will keep on shopping (size 9 anyone?).
To support my shopping habit, I made it back to the gym this week. At least I met my important weekly goal! And it felt good. After a month away from my step aerobics class, I expected to feel whipped after that first class back (and when the instructor came in loaded for bear, the worry intensified). But it was a breeze! OK, a sweaty, tiring breeze, but I didn't feel any worse than I did after any other class. And I even had the energy to lift some weights afterward. Good-bye, saggy grandma arms...
Unfortunately my schedule (which has adapted to not going the gym) kept me from going more than twice this week. And that lack is showing up on the scale -- it's barely moved this week. That makes more sense to me than what happened last week (and bolsters my denial), but it will be sad to see the same old number again tomorrow (or, heaven forfend, a higher number...oh, dear).
There could be a lot less jubilation and a lot more rationalization in my future.
Monday, October 1, 2007
WEEK 11: Reality Check
So last week I didn't exercise at all, but I still lost 2.5 pounds.
What?
Now I'm worried that there's something more than my change in thinking behind my weight loss. Like maybe some horrible wasting disease. Which is a damn shame, because I've never looked better.
OK, I kid because I'm scared out of my mind. I've had cancer, so it's true that I tend to interpret even a slight sniffle as a sign of my imminent demise, but then I also know that bad things can happen. Which, seriously, is a damn shame, because I never have looked better. Seriously.
So this week's primary goal is to see a doctor. Just to reassure myself I'm OK and that it's only my hard work and change in thinking that are turning me into the woman I've always wanted to be.
And the secondary goal is to get back to the gym. Because I'm probably not going to die any time soon, and this fat isn't going to keep melting away on its own. I hope.
What?
Now I'm worried that there's something more than my change in thinking behind my weight loss. Like maybe some horrible wasting disease. Which is a damn shame, because I've never looked better.
OK, I kid because I'm scared out of my mind. I've had cancer, so it's true that I tend to interpret even a slight sniffle as a sign of my imminent demise, but then I also know that bad things can happen. Which, seriously, is a damn shame, because I never have looked better. Seriously.
So this week's primary goal is to see a doctor. Just to reassure myself I'm OK and that it's only my hard work and change in thinking that are turning me into the woman I've always wanted to be.
And the secondary goal is to get back to the gym. Because I'm probably not going to die any time soon, and this fat isn't going to keep melting away on its own. I hope.
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