Realistically, I knew this day had to come sooner or later, but still I feel devastated because it wouldn't have been today if I hadn't completely lost my mind this weekend.
I still don't know what I was thinking going into that party with no diet plan whatsoever. That was a foolish (and costly) mistake. Maybe it was borne from my hubris over consistently losing weight for so long and getting so small?
Unfortunately, I'm afraid I know what I was thinking when I was eating those cookies. I had the conscious thought, "These cookies are so good and the damage is already done, so what are a thousand more calories?" And I know better than to believe that nonsense. But I think I also had the unconscious thought that I could "protect" myself by eating those cookies, because I fear being thin and having to deal with the the unfamiliar ramifications of that. I hate that I can still feel that way, after all the hard work I've done this year. Clearly I have more work to do.
Putting these disasters into perspective, I gained only 1/2 lb., which is so much less than I expected. And I learned important lessons about myself and about my dieting efforts that will help me improve on both. To that end, my goals this week are to:
- read my ARC and Response Cards every day this week
- use the 7 Question Technique to resolve my fears about being thin and successful
- use the Mindset Techniques to prevent any more "protective" binges
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