DAY 40: To-do List

The fortieth progress report:

I read my Advantages Response Card, NO CHOICE card, and It's Not Okay, Get Back on Track, and Believe It! Response Cards at least twice.

I read other Response Cards as needed.

I ate slowly, sitting down and noticing every bite: Some Times

I gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful dieting behaviors: Most Times

I wrote a food plan for tomorrow and monitored everything I ate in writing.

I did spontaneous exercise.

--- I did planned exercise.

I took steps to enrich my life.


CREDIT ACCOUNT: $46.00

Having a party tonight certainly enriched my life, but it also put a dent in my diet effort.

First, unless Herculean house-cleaning chores count as exercise (and I did work up a sweat and get my muscles burning), I didn't fit in any exercise today. I had thought that might happen but I had also hoped for the best, especially with making up my missed weight training.

Then, I had problems with eating mindfully and remembering to give myself credit, since I was so focused on preparing for tonight.

Still, day went leagues better than the day of my last party!

This time I managed to eat dinner beforehand, plus I ate everything else on my food plan, except for a snack, before the party started. I had promised myself I wouldn't eat anything at the party because I didn't want to have a chance to slip up while standing at the buffet table. But since I had skipped that snack and someone brought fruit salad to the party, I allowed myself to make that substitution. And my will power was at maximum strength and I had only the fruit salad during the whole party!

It looked a little tricky though at the end of the night when I was trying to get rid of the leftover food. Someone left an almost full package of the world's best cookies! I really wrestled with myself over that one. I tried to convince myself I could keep them and be responsible about eating 1 or 2 a day, but I knew that as much as I hated letting them go, that would would be better (and safer). I'm not sure I would have been strong enough to stick with the right decision, but a friend who understood my dilemma volunteered to take them. Thank goodness!

Altogether it was a great day, since I dealt well with a lot of obstacles and gave my confidence a big boost! I even came up with an idea for a goal I can start working on now, to fulfill today's step.

At the start of the year, I decided to take a walking tour of England in an effort to incorporate more exercise into my life while also seeing more of my favorite country. So technically I've already been working on this goal for 8 months and my weight isn't what's preventing me from going, but there's no harm in using it as part of the program anyway.

The stumbling block is I've figured out that I can't swing England this year (not while I'm unemployed and pinching pennies!). So instead of giving up the idea, I've decided to try it somewhere closer to home, such as Yosemite National Park. I'm not as keen to see that as I am the English countryside, but it is supposed to be incredible, I would definitely get some exercise, and the trip should be much more affordable. So my first step is to plan where to go, what to do, and how much it will cost, and I've marked my calendar to complete this first step by next week.

Mission begun!

DAY 40: Joie de Vivre

The third to last step is enriching your life now, instead of putting your life on hold until you lose the weight.

Dr. Beck predicts that pursuing your goals now, while you're still losing weight, will actually help you lose the weight. She illustrates her point through the character Maggie.

When asked about pursuing her goals, Maggie says, "I can't do those things now. It's because I want to be able to do these things that I'm dieting in the first place." Personally, I agree with Maggie, but Dr. Beck promises that pursuing those goals -- developing new interests, engaging in pleasurable activities, and feeling more effective -- will lift your mood, give you a focus other than food, and provide more mental energy for dieting.

I still don't agree exactly. I can see that putting your life on hold is undesirable, yes. In Dr. Beck's example, Maggie has goals that include taking a vacation, buying a new wardrobe, dating, and finding a new job. Going on vacation or finding a job? Sure, why wait? But buying a new wardrobe while in transition would be wasteful and dating can be more challenging when you're still heavy, so I do see those as after-I-lose-the-weight goals.

My point is, I live a full life already, and my weight doesn't stop me from doing much. My after-I-lose-the-weight goals are to enjoy even more the things I already enjoy doing and to take advantage of the things that will become available to me, such as the wider fashion selections and the increased dating opportunities for thinner people.

So I'm not really clear how someone with goals like mine can complete Dr. Beck's exercises for enriching your life now:

1. Make a list of goals you'd like to accomplish before or after you lose weight.
2. Determine which of those goals you could start working on now.
3. Choose one of those goals and write down the steps you'll need to accomplish it.
4. Mark your calendar for when you'll do at least the first step.
5. Ask friends or family for help on how to achieve the goal.
6. Watch out for sabotaging thoughts:
   
   • consider the advantages vs. the disadvantages of making this change in your life
   • use the Seven Question Technique to evaluate your sabotaging thoughts
   • consult your diet coach for support

I'm stumped already at the second step; how can I start buying a new wardrobe now? I don't want to waste money on a lot of clothes I'll only be able to wear for a little while (I hope). I suppose I could plan out all the wonderful outfits I hope to buy someday, but who knows what would be in fashion or even available on that distant day?

And as for dating, I can't imagine what steps I could take to change the American cultural perception that thin=beautiful and fat=ugly. I do have an active social life and meet new people all the time, but unless Mr. Right has a fat fetish (which I find a little creepy and which would be defeated by my efforts anyway), I don't know how I can convince this mythical man to look past the fat for now.

Clearly, I'm finding this step discouraging, but I have to remember that the Beck Diet Solution has to be all things for all people, so not every step will apply to me. In this case, I think I have to acknowledge that I have plenty of joie de vivre already and look forward to the day I'll have even more!

DAY 39: To-do List

My progress as I enter the home stretch:

I read my Advantages Response Card, NO CHOICE card, and It's Not Okay, Get Back on Track, and Believe It! Response Cards at least twice.

I read other Response Cards as needed.

I ate slowly, sitting down and noticing every bite: Every Time

I gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful dieting behaviors: Every Time

I wrote a food plan for tomorrow and monitored everything I ate in writing.

I did spontaneous and planned exercise.

I gave myself credit for exercising.

I took steps to change my sabotaging thoughts about exercise.


CREDIT ACCOUNT: $45.00

As predicted, I got my exercise today; I walked for about 3 hours straight, in addition to parking very (very) far away from work and from dinner.

And dinner was an amazing success; at long last planning from a website menu finally worked out! I ordered exactly what I had planned, I divided my food in half, and I had no trouble being satisfied with that amount. I was even thrilled about having the second half of my delicious entree to look forward to tomorrow. Even better, I encountered a food pusher and wasn't tempted in the least. She was insisting that I share in the appetizers (which weren't on my food plan or a healthy option either) and it took several firm "No"s, but she got the message eventually, and I stayed on my plan!

The (slight) negative is that we sat talking for so long that I missed the gym for my weight training. I had thought I might be able to make it up tomorrow, but I'll be preparing for another party all day tomorrow, so that chance is slim. Dragging the vacuum around and scrubbing the kitchen and bathrooms should make up for that, right?

So it wasn't a perfect day, but it was pretty close. I deserved a lot of credit and remembered to give it to myself, I ate mindfully, and I ate everything on my food plan!

Still, I feel a little down because it's finally sinking in that program is almost finished. I'm so proud of my success so far, but I'm also anxious about keeping it up without the daily support of Dr. Beck. It looks like she'll address the future on the last day; I just hope it's enough!

DAY 39: Keep On Keeping On

The 39th step is maintaining (or improving) your motivation to exercise.

It's ironic that on the day of this step I won't be going to the gym, but I'm still maintaining my motivation. Although today's schedule makes it impossible to attend my exercise class, I plan to walk for about four hours today, and I'm hoping to wrap up dinner with friends in time to go to the gym for a weight training session.

But I do struggle to keep up with my exercise because I'd almost always rather curl up with a good book or watch something on television or hang out with friends. To prevent bad habits from overcoming my good intentions, Dr. Beck offers these suggestions:

• Focus on how you'll feel after you finish exercising.
  I'm not sure this would help me; I usually just feel sweaty and tired after exercising. But sometimes I also feel euphoric (those endorphins kicking in) and proud that I've made the effort. Still, thinking about those positive feelings isn't always enough to overcome my tendency for sloth.
  
  
• Put exercise in the NO CHOICE category.
  Since I've started the Beck Diet Solution, this is essentially what I've done. Oh, well has become my mantra.
  
  
• Meet a friend or trainer.
  Dr. Beck points out that being accountable to someone else will make it easier to stick with exercising, and that has always been true for me. Most of my friends aren't physically fit enough to keep up with the new me, but going to my classes at the gym has served the same purpose.
  
  
• Give yourself lots of credit.
  Thanks (again) to the program, I've been congratulating myself with a literal pat on the back and a deposit to my credit account every time I exercise. It really does help my motivation to know someone (even me) is proud of what I'm doing!
  
  
• Focus on your progress.
  I've been going to classes at the gym for 6 months now, and I can definitely tell I'm more physically fit now. The shape of my body is changing but also my abilities have improved. Not only can I lift bags of cat food more easily, but I walk at a faster pace, I breathe easier when I'm exercising, and I can survive 30 minutes of intense step aerobics without feeling as if I might die.
  
  
• End your session with something positive.
  I can see the wisdom of ending on a positive note, but if there's something I don't like about an exercise routine, I'm more likely to replace the entire session with something I like completely. And since mostly I take classes, I'm following an already-set schedule anyway.
  
  
• Make sure you're doing a type of exercise you like.
  This suggestion makes more sense than the previous one. And this suggestion is natural for me to follow; if I don't like something, I don't do it. One of the reasons I've had so much success this time around is that I really enjoy my water exercise classes: sweating isn't an issue, the support of the water reduces the strain on my body, and I feel athletic instead of clumsy.

Some of these suggestions will be helpful in bolstering my occasionally iffy motivation, and so will this Response Card:

Sabotaging Thought: It's okay to skip exercising today because I don't want to, I'm tired, and I'm too stressed out.
Helpful Response: It's not okay. Exercise is an essential part of losing weight and maintaining my weight loss.

I just have to keep reminding myself to keep putting one foot in front of another and I'll be at my goal weight before I know it!

DAY 38: To-do List

Here's how today went:

I read my Advantages Response Card, NO CHOICE card, and It's Not Okay, Get Back on Track, and Believe It! Response Cards at least twice.

I read other Response Cards as needed.

I ate slowly, sitting down and noticing every bite: Most Times

I gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful dieting behaviors: Every Time

I wrote a food plan for tomorrow and monitored everything I ate in writing.

I did spontaneous and planned exercise.

I planned what I'll do when I reach a plateau.


CREDIT ACCOUNT: $43.00

Today was an incredible credit day! I did a lot to deserve credit and I remembered to give it to myself. My remembering was thanks in part to the shooting stars tattoo on my forearm, but also I'm just naturally getting better at remembering. Perhaps someday soon I'll be able to remember where I've left my sunglasses...

I was also a champ at mindful eating; I ate slowly and mindfully all day long, except for a snack in front of the TV. Unfortunately I did skip lunch though.

At long last, I finally made a decision about the Pilates class: it's too yoga-centric for my tastes and it's hard to get to on time since it directly follows my aqua circuit class, so I'm dropping it. (That turned out to be a fortuitous decision because the aqua circuit class ran long tonight and I would have missed most of the Pilates anyway.) But I do want to replace the Pilates with something; I'm checking the class schedule for another convenient class or I might check out more exercise videos from the library so that I can work out more at home.

Some exercise obstacles ahead:

I have a one-day gig tomorrow and dinner with friends, so I won't be getting to the gym at all. I am planning to work in plenty of walking on the job, but I'll be missing a weight training session. Hopefully I can make that up the following day.

And I found out today that the gym's pool will be closed for a week for cleaning and renovation. Since I get half of my exercise in that pool, this is cause for panic concern. I will be able to use the pools at other YMCAs, but they're all at least 30 minutes away and the two closest involve parking challenges, putting additional strain on my motivation to exercise. So I've started planning now what I might do to replace that exercise!

DAY 38: Tableland Troubles

Day 38 is on learning to deal with a plateau, those times when the scale just stalls and your weight doesn't go up or down.

In 1996, I got down to the 170s (the lowest weight I've ever been as an adult). But I couldn't break through to 169, got discouraged, stopped exercising, started eating badly again, and ballooned up to 250 in no time.

In 2003, I got all the way down to the 170s again, and again I couldn't break through to 169. And again, I got discouraged, stopped exercising, started eating badly again, and... I can't bear to type the rest.

In 2007, it's going to be different! I am less than 20 lbs. away from 169 and this time, I'm going to make it because I have the Beck Diet Solution to help me!

Dr. Beck offers 4 options for when you hit a long-term plateau:

1. Continue to do what you're doing and see if you start to lose weight.
   That's what I've done in the past, and it didn't work so well... Of course, now I have the skills to fight discouragement and wait out the plateau.
   
   
2. Reduce your daily intake by 200 calories, which should allow you to lose about a half pound per week.
   
This option sounds completely do-able, especially now that I've learned how to say no to food.


3. Increase your daily exercise by 15 to 20 minutes.
   It can be hard to make myself exercise more when I'm feeling as if the exercise I'm already doing isn't paying off. But an extra 15 or 20 minutes doesn't sound too bad.
   
   Another thing I've heard from trainers at the gym is that your body can "get used" to an exercise, making the exercise less effective. So changing the sort of exercise I'm doing could help too.
   
   
4. Call this your goal weight and move into maintenance.
   Absolutely not. At 170, I'd still be overweight and unhealthy. I would consider this option only if I plateau somewhere closer to 130 (the upper level of the recommended healthy weight range for a woman my height).

So, if I should hit another plateau this time around, I can use option 2, 3, or 1 (or a combination) to get me past it. I've also created these Response Cards for additional support:

Sabotaging Thought: It's terrible that I've hit a plateau.
Helpful Response: Reaching a plateau is a normal part of losing weight. I'm feeling discouraged now because I put in a lot of effort. But this is supposed to happen from time to time. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm doing anything wrong.

Sabotaging Thought: This just isn't fair. I've really worked hard. I should keep losing, like I have up until this point.
Helpful Response: I have a choice now. I can dwell on how unfair it seems that the scale didn't go lower. Or I can focus on how much weight I've lost up to this point and give myself credit for all of the changes I've made in my thinking and behavior so far.

Now I'm ready to face any weight-loss geography!

DAY 37: To-do List

My results at T minus 5 days:

I read my Advantages Response Card, NO CHOICE card, and It's Not Okay, Get Back on Track, and Believe It! Response Cards at least twice.

I read other Response Cards as needed.

I ate slowly, sitting down and noticing every bite: Most Times

I gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful dieting behaviors: Every Time

I wrote a food plan for tomorrow and monitored everything I ate in writing.

I did spontaneous and planned exercise.

I worked toward changing my unreasonable rules for myself and others.

I planned how I'll reduce stress.


CREDIT ACCOUNT: $40.75

Not surprisingly, I didn't stop imposing unreasonable rules on myself and other people today, but I did make some efforts. One of the important things I realized is that I have to consider which battles are worth fighting and which ones I should just walk away from, consequences be damned. Sometimes being right isn't worth the stress of proving it.

And sitting in the hot tub and getting massages on a regular basis would chill me out pretty well too!

I did all right with my other tasks today. Dinner was a challenge because it was out with some friends on what is often a drinking occasion. But I opted not to include alcohol on my food plan and I wasn't even tempted when everyone around me was having a drink. That's the good news about my food plan. The bad news is that once again my effort to plan ahead was foiled by an unadvertised change in menu. This is a bar we've been frequenting for over a year, so I thought I was safe planning to order my usual. But they completely retooled the menu since last time, and my usual wasn't on the new menu (nor were many appropriate substitutions). So I don't feel good about the meal I ended up choosing, and I'm a little discouraged about the planning ahead concept.

Eating with friends was also a continuing challenge to my eating mindfully, moreso tonight than ever before. I found myself popping food into my mouth almost without pause, just like the old me would have done. I kept catching myself and trying to do better, then falling right back into the habit once I got distracted. I was relieved when dinner was over and I could concentrate on just talking!

Finally, I skipped lunch and a snack today, which is disappointing after how much better I was doing, but tomorrow is another day.

As for exercise, since I had dinner with friends, it meant skipping one of my exercise classes today. But I made it to the first one and also did some weight training. The benefits of the weights are starting to become obvious: my shoulders are looking super-defined and my thighs are like marble underneath their layers of fat!

DAY 37: Chill Out

The next step of the Beck Diet Solution is learning to reduce stress.

Dr. Beck doesn't explain how reducing stress will directly improve dieting, but since less stress makes life better in general, I'm all for it. She offers these 3 steps to lower stress levels:

1. Solve the Problem.
   Fight stress by revisiting the My Priority Chart to reduce your demands or responsibilities and by using the Seven Question Technique to resolve the issues that cause stress.
   
   
2. Relax.
   Slow, controlled breathing is the simplest way to release the stress that makes your body tense. Dr. Beck also mentions relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery.
   
   
3. Change Your Mindset.
   Stop letting unreasonable rules guide your behavior. You can recognize unreasonable rules usually by the use of "should" or "shouldn't", as in "I should always do my best" or "Other people shouldn't treat me unfairly". Dr. Beck recommends relaxing self-imposed rules as well as rules for others, using these steps:
   
   
   • Model yourself after someone with more relaxed standards (a la WWJD, I guess).
   • Think about how your loved ones would suffer if they imposed similar rules on themselves.
   • Think of the advantages of changing your rules.
   • Remove the words always and never from your rules.
   • Insert the word reasonable into your rules.
   • Recognize you can't control other people, only yourself.
   • Change should and shouldn't to "It's realistic to expect that..."

I am a very tense person, and I've been using breathing exercises for a while. And now that I've experienced the usefulness of the Seven Question Technique to solve problems, I'll definitely be reducing more stress that way. But changing my mindset... That's one I've been battling for years now. It is the most important step to reducing stress in my life, though, so I will keep at it (rereading this step again and again probably).

For additional help, I also created this Response Card (because I said this exact sabotaging thought to a friend a few days ago):

Sabotaging Thought: If I lower my expectations for myself, I'll become completely unmotivated.
Helpful Response: It's not all or nothing. I don't have to lower my expectations completely, just enough to reduce my stress.

And another step for reducing stress, that Dr. Beck doesn't mention, is exercise. For me, a long walk does wonders for putting problems into perspective and working out the tension in my body. And that clearly will directly improve dieting!

DAY 36: To-do List

A good start to the final week:

I read my Advantages Response Card, NO CHOICE card, and It's Not Okay and Get Back on Track Response Cards at least twice.

I read other Response Cards as needed.

I ate slowly, sitting down and noticing every bite: Every Time

I gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful dieting behaviors: Every Time

I wrote a food plan for tomorrow and monitored everything I ate in writing.

I did spontaneous and planned exercise.

I created a Believe It! Response Card to build my confidence.

I reminded myself of all of the new behavioral and mindset changes I've made during the last five weeks.

I weighed myself, recorded the results on my weight-loss graph, and reported my change in weight.


CREDIT ACCOUNT: $39.50

I was a little (teeny-tiny) bit disappointed that I didn't lose more than a 1 lb. this week. I know, that's totally ridiculous, but there it is. I worked to stay positive though and gave myself a lot of credit for getting to where I am, in an effort to keep me headed where I need to go.

Eating mindfully was hard again today; I did it, but I had to be constantly vigilant to keep it up. I can see this will be a lifelong challenge, but it is worth it. Paying attention to what's in my mouth has been a huge part of my success on the program.

Another challenge is eating everything on my plan but I maintained my progress on that by skipping only a snack today.

Remembering to give myself credit went very well today, although I didn't do as much to deserve credit for. I did deserve (and give myself) credit for getting back to my aqua circuit swim class. The original teacher was back, so it was a great class. I got a really good workout!

DAY 36: Long Live Tinkerbell

The sixth and final week is about fine-tuning our new skills, so the step for Day 36 is believing in your diet success.

I have been struggling a little with this concept. I do recognize my diet is successful and that it's because of the work I've been doing. But because my transformation into someone who thinks like a thin person was so dramatic and sudden, I don't have a lot of faith yet that this is the real me, someone I can sustain being. Honestly, I keep expecting to wake up from this dream and find myself emptying out a bakery display case directly into my mouth.

Thank goodness Dr. Beck addresses these doubts. She points out that, "You now have critical skills that you didn't have in the past, and you've learned how to use them consistently and successfully... Your progress won't disappear as long as you continue to use your tools".

To keep myself reminded of these points, she recommends creating a Believe It! Response Card, and so I have:

Believe It!

I'm losing weight because I've learned how:

• I motivate myself with my ARC and other Response Cards and by giving myself credit.


• I eat more slowly and mindfully, planning ahead what I should eat and saying NO CHOICE to what I shouldn't eat.


• I don't fight as much against things I don't like; I say "Oh, well".


• I know how to guard against overeating when dining out, on vacation, or feeling upset.

For further insurance, I created these Response Cards too:

Sabotaging Thought: If I start to believe that I can do this, I'll jinx myself.
Helpful Response: On the contrary, if I believe I can't do this, then I'm likely to run into trouble when dieting gets tougher. If I build up my confidence, I'll be able to keep plugging away.

Sabotaging Thought: If I recognize my progress, I'll get too confident and start to loosen up.
Helpful Response: I'll be able to catch myself, as long as I fill out the to-do lists every day.

Reading these three Response Cards every day, as well as rereading this blog from time to time, will help keep Tinkerbell (and my diet) alive and well!

It doesn't hurt that I've also reached my first goal before the end of the 6 weeks! I lost another pound, so I've lost the 5 lbs. I aimed for 26 days ago! Whether I believe I can keep doing this, I am so impressed that I've done this much!

DAY 35: To-do List

A great end to the fifth week:

I read my Advantages Response Card, NO CHOICE card, and It's Not Okay and Get Back on Track Response Cards at least twice.

I read other Response Cards as needed.

I ate slowly, sitting down and noticing every bite: Every Time

I gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful dieting behaviors: Every Time

I wrote a food plan for tomorrow and monitored everything I ate in writing.

I did spontaneous and planned exercise.

I reminded myself how I plan to handle negative emotions without eating.

I resolved to use the Seven Question Technique when I was upset instead of turning to food for comfort.

I prepared for my weigh-in tomorrow.


CREDIT ACCOUNT: $38.50

I was amazing today!

First, I was better at eating mindfully, avoiding the TV and computer while I was eating, and I did eat all 3 meals today and skipped only 1 snack.

Then I made it back to the gym today, even though I woke up feeling unmotivated. But I said, "Oh, well", and got myself to my first class. Almost against my will, I enjoyed the exercise and relished the endorphin high, feeling better than I have for days.

I remembered to give myself credit for that and for everything else. (My rainbow dolphin tattoo really did the job!) And wow, did I do a lot to deserve credit today! My spontaneous exercise was through the roof: I walked to my second class at the gym, I started exercising when class was slow to start (which the instructor noticed and she congratulated me on my enthusiasm), and on the walk home, I realized I needed some things from the market.

Now, I could have continued home, got in the car, and driven to the market. That's what I usually do because even though the market is within walking-distance of my house, I've never been keen on lugging groceries that far. Especially if I'm buying dairy items or other perishables that might not weather the trip well. But tonight, I said, "Why not?" The extra distance would add about 40 minutes to my walk, and for only half of that long, the carton of milk I needed would survive.

So I turned right toward the market instead of left toward home, and I did my shopping on foot! I think I would've felt more victorious and proud if my feet weren't hurting so much by the time I got home, but I'm still glad I did it. It was a wonderful tonic for my inactivity for the last few days, and I'm encouraged that I've been able to kick my blues. I strengthened all kinds of resistance muscles today!