This step seems like it would be more directly helpful for me than yesterday's step. It too is a recycling of a previous task: applying the Seven Question Technique to solve a problem.
Dr. Beck explains that the first step to solving a problem is to indentify what the problem is. Sure, sometimes that's easy, but sometimes you might feel something and not know what led to it. She suggests asking a friend or your diet coach for help in figuring it out.
Once you've identified the problem, then you ask the seven questions to respond to the negative thoughts caused by the problem and use the 7th question to figure out the solution to the problem.
For instance:
The problem:Someone treated me harshly and unfairly, making me feel depressed and angry.
- What kind of thinking error could I be making?
I don't think I'm making any thinking errors; I know someone was rude to me, and I'm depressed and angry that he won't apologize or be penalized (the powers that be have told me, "that's how he is", offering me no support at all).
I suppose Negative Fortune Telling would be the closest description of the situation, but then, negative doesn't mean untrue in this situation. - What evidence is there that this thought might not be true or completely true?
Again, it's likely my Negative Fortune Telling is spot on; my co-volunteer is being allowed to get away with his usual bad behavior, despite how it drives away other volunteers. - Is there an alternate explanation or another way of viewing this?
I wish I could come up with a different way of looking at this problem, because from every direction I can think of, I can't find a solution short of quitting. And giving up helping this organization doesn't make me feel much better than being abused while helping this organization. - What is the most realistic outcome of this situation?
I can feel angry and depressed but continue my volunteer work with this unpleasant person and continue to be treated badly. Or I can stand up to this person and the powers that be and insist on appropriate behavior, possibly destroying my relationship with the organization. I just don't know that the latter action will help my anger and depression, and it certainly would hurt me to give up my volunteer work. But I'm positive the former action will only make me bitter and ruin my volunteer work anyway. - What is the effect of believing this negative thought and what could be the effect of changing my thinking?
If I believe nothing will change this person's behavior and I have no choice but to accept his behavior, I won't enjoy my volunteer work and I'll continue to be angry and depressed. If I accept that nothing will change this person's behavior but that he should be called to account for it, I will be risking ending my relationship with this organization. I would be unhappy to leave and would feel as if I were letting people down, but why shouldn't my right to decent treatment be important too? - What would I tell my friend if she were in this situation and had this same kind of thought?
Through this exercise, I believe I've talked myself into taking a stand. It is what friends have recommended to me, and I feel a sense of relief at having a plan of action, whether that plan will be effective or not. - What should I do now?
I'm going to tell the powers that be that I cannot work with someone who can't treat me with basic respect.
If that means I can't continue volunteering for the organization, perhaps that's for the best. I can use the Seven Question Technique to deal with that disappointment, should it come to pass. But maybe, just maybe, the powers that be will realize I'm right and he's wrong and things can be smoothed out from there. History says no, but if I want to feel better, I have to try it.
Wow. I did not expect this exercise to solve my problem. But I did find a solution, probably because I was misidentifying the problem. I thought my problem was someone else's actions, but really it was my indecision about taking my own action. From the Seven Question Technique, I can see that if I want to feel better about his rudeness, I have to demand better treatment and maintain my self-respect, the consequences notwithstanding.
What a relief. Not only because I feel better, but because it'll be easier to follow the program again. While my diet wasn't in danger (yet), my motivation to exercise has been bogged down in my depression. And if I started sliding back into my old patterns of not exercising, it's not a very long slide back into my bad eating habits too. But disaster averted -- thank you, Seven Question Technique!
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